Her Boyfriend, My Husband

CHAPTER 26

Maryam's POV

I stood transfixed by Kaka's doorway. The thick wooden door made it impossible to hear from the other side but I still just stood there with a rapidly beating heart. I have no idea what Kaka was going to do to Yusuf. He was completely enraged after I told him everything and then, he ended up blaming Yusuf for it.

Kaka has always been strict but that side of him has never been directed at me until just earlier at dawn. I felt a heavy guilty feeling just seeing Kaka lying there and evidently struggling through every breath but he was still praying blessings upon blessings on me. I felt suffocated by shame and I needed to lighten the burden on my chest so I just let everything spill out from my lips. I told Kaka the purpose of mine and Yusuf's marriage, the condition to divorce after a year, the act we have to play as a normal husband and wife, I told my grandfather everything  and watched as his expression turned horrid with dissapointment before he asked that I call Yusuf.

He had never looked at me like that and I have never felt so disgusted at myself, so ashamed to my very core. I could hardly speak anymore words to him after that and just sat there next to him, holding his veiny hands and letting my tears silently roll down my cheeks. I didn't want to lose him, I can't lose him but somehow, my internal self was readying me to do just that and accept that Kaka really is going to leave me in this world.

Death is frightening to me and the reason for that is not because I myself am afraid to die, but because I'm afraid of the people around me dying. I have experienced the agonising pain of having to witness both my parents die and it was what inflicted this fear of death in me. Death is a test from Allah and there is no soul in existence that is not destined to taste it but I still cannot stop my heart from grieving over this. Over the fact that that same hurt and pain I had experienced as a twelve year old girl was soon going to revisit me when I lose my grandfather.

My stomach squeezed and stretched and I felt something rise to my throat, threatening to push its way out of my mouth. I wish Yusuf hadn't forced me into eating earlier since now my panicking mind wouldn't allow me to hold any food in my system. I slapped one hand over my mouth and ran from the doorway, towards the nearest bathroom that was down through the open roofed corridor.

I held my hand over my mouth tighter and could only manage to look down at my skipping feet as I continued running until abruptly, I felt slammed into something. I staggered backwards from the impact and when I looked up, I saw that it was Yaya Abdallah. I tried to hold it but I could no longer keep it in and before I knew it, I was bent over and throwing up my guts on the tip of his shiny dress shoes.

"Subhanallah," he exclaimed and I was surprised when instead of moving away from the chunky disgusting liquid I was still vomiting, Yaya gently gripped both of my quivering arms.

I felt completely embarrassed and even after I was done, I remained bent over not being able to let Yaya see me like this. The bouts of vomiting had left me out of breath and I started inhaling and exhaling heavily, trying to steady my breathing and cringing at the nasty smell of the puke.

"Maryam," he released my arms and I could tell that he was looking down at me. "Maryam, are you okay?"

But I still didn't stand upright and continued to grip my stomach as I stared at the perfect shoes I had just ruined. The foul taste was still on my tongue and I wanted more than anything to make it to the bathroom and brush my teeth and get rid of the remnants of my vomit from my mouth but still, I didn't move. I just couldn't.

"Maryam," Yaya's sighed and I felt his hands return to gripping my arms and though I protested, he pulled me to stand up straight.

"Let's get you cleaned up okay?" he said as if he was talking to a child and all I could do was nod, but then I remembered his shoes.