In Your Grasp

Gay Panic

DammitDean was straight. Had always been and would always be. He likedwomen. Sure he didn't see anything wrong with two of the same genderloving each other and if someone tried to hurt them for thatthen...well, Dean had more then once beat the hell out of gay basherswho thought it was fun to beat someone for wanting someone with thesame genitalia as them.

But to want a manhimself? No. Never.

That wasn't him.

Any guy he couldjust raise an eyebrow and feel nothing. No stirring of arousal. Noeyes trailing to them as if without his permission.

And then there wasCastiel.

Cas. His bestfriend. His only friend. The only person besides Sam he felt he couldbe himself with. Though what he felt for them was majorly different.

Damn had he foughtwith that. He refereed to Castiel as a brother, but in the end hedidn't view Castiel as he did Sam. Sure Dean was not sure how heviewed Castiel, to him to care so much for anyone meant they must befamily. Bobby a surrogate father, Sam his brother, Ellen and Joextended family in all but blood. So how could he care so much abouthis angel and it not be family?

But still, thatdidn't mean he wanted to fuck Cas!

He liked women!Dammit he only liked women.

Sowhy did he keep fighting his thoughts moving to his angel as hepleasured himself in the shower? It had been a while since he gotany, long enough he couldn't even tell exactly how long it had been.Still he would try to think about women when he gave himself someself love but it moved to Castiel. It always movedto him thinking about Castiel. But the quest was why? Why did he keepimaging the gravely voice moaning and panting his name. Begging.

Why did he wonder what it'd feel like to be pressed together.Wondering if he was experienced enough that kissing his angel wouldfeel natural. Wondering if he'd get him to gasp and beg and rut likehe did when pumping himself in the shower.

Castiel was a guy, genderless angel or not his vessel was male. Sowhy did Dean want it, want him, so bad?!

Maybe it was Castiel. He wanted him. Man, woman, genderless angel hedidn't care. He wanted him, wanted the holy tax accountant. Even ifhe couldn't think of that he couldn't go so far. He more then justwanted Castiel.

Heneeded him.

Thatin itself wasn't new, he needed him, needed his close friend. Who washe kidding, his only friend, but so much more then that. Castiel wasa part of him.

So should it really surprise him that he needed and wanted Castielmore then that? Physically as well?

Even if it scares the hell out of him. He could never have it though,his angel put up with a lot of his shit. If he were to ever find outabout this...it'd be the straw that broke the camel's back and he'dlose one of the most vital people to him. Profound bond or not.

What could he ever have that would be enticing to a angel of anykind? Much less the most worthy of them all?

Helloangsty Dean. This is so Dean though, he finally opens his bisexualeyes and then he is sure that Castiel-who everyoneknows is head over heels for him-would never want him.