Searching for never

11

Once I got home from school after successfully avoiding my father, I decided that since it was a Friday night, I needed to let loose.

I picked up my phone and car keys and drove to the nearest gas station. Once inside I grabbed a 12 pack of beer and used my fake ID at the counter. Success number 2 of the day.

I headed home with my 12 pack in hand and decided I didn't want to get drunk alone. Without even thinking about it, once I parked in my driveway, I was calling Carter.

"Hello? Dana we just saw each other an hour ago, miss me already?" He asked. I could just hear his smirk behind every word.

"Oh yes Carter, you caught me I am madly in love with you please, please, marry me on the spot." I said, returning his snarky comment with my own.

He chuckled and said, "Alright. But why did you actually call for?"

"I have beer. My mom works the night shift at the hospital so she's leaving my place in 20 and won't be home until 10 am tmrw. Come get fucked up with me."

He whistled and replied, "alright, but I'm bringing my camera, want to get shots of your beautiful face while inebriated."

"Very funny. See you in 30."

And with that, I hung up. I walked into my house with just my phone and keys in hand, I left the beer in the trunk of my car so my mom wouldn't have anything to yell at me about before she went to work.  Walking up the stairs and through my room, I went to my bathroom and took a glance in the mirror. I looked like shit. My short black hair frizzier than I'd ever seen it, and paired with dark bags under my eyes, I looked like I'd been hit by a bus.

I turned on my shower and decided to hop in and repair the damage today had done to my hair at least. After my 3 solo performances and an encore song, I hopped out of the shower and heard my mom yell from downstairs, "Dana! I'm leaving! Your brother is at a friends for the night. The place is all yours, love you!"

I wrapped a towel around myself and yelled back, "Love you too Mom, see you in the morning!"

Without any response I heard the front door slam and I knew she had left. I brushed my hair and threw on my underwear and black crop top. I would've sworn I brought my shorts into the bathroom, but they were nowhere to be found. As I walked back into my room, I stubbed my toe on a dresser and began to swear that I'd burn it in a fire pit. Once I quit bitching about my toe though, I noticed a Polaroid photo beneath the dresser that I hadn't noticed before.

Violet.

It was a photo of the two of us 3 months ago. The middle of summer. She was tanned and gorgeous, I was sunburnt and peeling. I'd snapped the photo of us without warning, catching her making a candid expression. I'd had time to pose but still didn't hold a candle to her.

I grabbed a thumb tack and pinned the photo to my wall above the dresser. I stepped back -still pants less- and admired the photo. It had been a good day. We'd snuck into a local music show, it was 18+ but Violet had bought us fake ID's, so we'd gotten in.

I felt tears brimming in my eyes as I pondered the happy memory. It was one of the few days Violet and I had spent together that didn't have some negative feeling attached to it. She had just been herself that day. Or, the girl she used to be before her ego inflated.

I didn't let the tears fall though, because just as they were about to I heard a knock on my front door. Carter. I had forgotten he was even coming. I quickly threw black and white striped mom jeans on and my silver chain necklace and ran downstairs to let him in. I opened the door and he clicked a button on his camera as soon as I did.

"Gotcha! Picture number one of the night down. 200 or so left to go." He cheered.

"Put that camera down for the rest of the night or I am officially uninviting you to drink with me." I said.

"No and no." He said with a smirk.

Fair enough. I let him in and gave him this one. He won this round. Once he made it inside I walked past him out to my car and grabbed the beer from my trunk. I walked back in and found Carter in the kitchen. He shut my refrigerator door and just shook his head with his eyes closed, almost looking pained.

"Dana, I have to order pizzas. There is nothing to eat in your fridge."

"Sounds good to me, I have cash I'll order them, you bought lunch earlier. This can be my treat."

He shook his head again, this time wagging a finger and stated, "Dana, Dana, my beautiful Dana-"

"I'm not your Dana."

"Stop interrupting me woman! As I was saying though," Carter said with a huff, "you are letting me drink your beer, which already makes us even. So now the ball is back in my court and I have to pay for the pizzas. It's simple math my dear."

"Carter you called me yours again."

He groaned, "I just did that whole monologue and that's the part you focused in on? I swear Dana it's like you don't even get me anymore. Are we growing apart in our old age? Not us, please, not after all these years." He said with mock despair.

I laughed my ass off at that. Carter may have been the funniest person I'd ever met. In that moment, I wished I was in love with him instead of a dead girl.

He called the pizza place and ordered a cheese, and a veggie supreme pizza. They were supposed to arrive in 20 minutes so we decided to each crack a beer open and get the night started.

2 beers for each of us later, the pizza guy arrived and Carter answered the door and paid. He walked back in with pizzas and set the boxes on the floor in front of my couch. We'd been sitting talking about school and our college goals before the pizza had arrived.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, both just eating pizza and drinking beer, until Carter turned to me and said, "Dana you're an amazing artist."

"What? You've never even seen my work."

He chuckled and said, "Dana I sit next to you in art class everyday, yes I have."

"That's not my real work Carter, that's whatever assignment I've been given that I'm meeting the criteria for. You think I actually like still life oil painting? God no."

"Can I see your real work then?"

I looked at him for a moment and said, "Yes. But not yet, you're gonna have to get me drunker for that to happen."

Carter laughed and said, "Aye aye captain!"

"What do you want to major in though Carter? You've never told me that, just that you were going to go to UC San Francisco."

Carter took a sharp intake of breath and his face almost looked nervous to elaborate on the subject,  "That's kind of a touchy subject at the moment. I have a dream major, and a realistic major. I just haven't decided between the two yet."

"Well what are they?"

"My realistic major is finance, there will always be jobs in finance D. Plus I'm good at math. It's a solid, practical option."

I nodded and pressed further, "I asked to hear about both majors Carter. That was only one."

"God woman you are obsessed with me huh?"

"Stop deflecting."

"Fine!" He groaned, "My dream major is film. I'd love to create my own short films. Videography has always been a passion. I'm just scared I wouldn't be good enough."

"So all those times in art class you complained that you didn't have an artistic bone in your body, and begged me to do your collage for you, you actually are an artist? Are you kidding me Carter?" I exclaimed.

He burst out laughing and just smiled at me. I held the eye contact. We continued to just stare at each other for what felt like hours but was probably 10 seconds. I turned my head away and decided to grab us both another beer. I was feeling warm inside for sure, but I don't think it was from the 2 beers I'd already drank that night.

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