Halsey Imagines (girlxgirl) - completed

you relapse (requested)

Ashley had a sinking feeling in her stomach when she twirled the empty pill bottle around in her fingers.

She knows it's yours. There's no way it couldn't be. But she thought you stopped. You told her you felt better and she believed it. After spending a month focused purely on healing and recovering she truly hoped you'd be feeling like yourself again.

But just a few months later and you're clearly back in the same place you were months ago. You've had your fair share of struggles with drug addiction in the past. It started long before you and Ashley began dating but it got bad, really bad, soon after.

Your doctor refused to give you any more pills when you kept showing up just days after going through your brand new bottle.

The withdrawals were unbearable and you broke down to your girlfriend when you realized how bad things had gotten. You didn't even recognize yourself anymore. You felt like you were living in someone else's body, no longer in control of what you do.

And you got help, and Ashley remained by your side through every painful and agonizing step of the way. She wanted to see you get better. She hadn't seen that light in your eyes for so long and when she finally saw it again she prayed it'd never dull again. She vowed she'd do whatever it took to make you happy from that point forward.

And now, she's not sure what to think. She wants to help you. She knows the situation is dangerous, but she doesn't want you to think she's snooping or spying on you. That she doesn't trust you.

"What are you doing?" She heard you ask from the doorway making her jump. You saw the pill bottle in her hands and you knew she'd caught you. You wanted to be mad but you felt more disappointed, in yourself, more than anything else.

"You're doing it again?" Her voice cracked when the reality of the situation hit her. "You relapsed...?" You sank down to your knees and sat wordlessly on the floor.

Ashley got off the bed and walked over to you. She sat next to you and put her hand on your shoulder. "I'm sorry..." you muttered and bit your lip to hold back the waterfall of tears that you knew were bound to fall eventually, anyways.

"Why didn't you tell me?" You didn't answer. You couldn't answer. "Baby, you know I'm not here to judge you. I wanna help you. I just want you to feel good, to feel like yourself, that's all." You turned your head and let your gaze meet her worried one. "I don't know how this happened. I really don't. It just started again, I don't remember when or how. It's just... so easy to turn to and so hard to stop."

Ashley nodded her head. She knows you're scared. She can tell you're disappointed in yourself for letting things get this bad again. But she wasn't disappointed in you and she wasn't upset. So she reached for your hand and intertwined it with hers. "I know it is. I can't imagine how hard it is to fight it. But you've done it before and I know you can do it again."

You sniffled, tears coming from your eyes in rivulets. "I'm so ashamed of myself" you whispered. Ashley's heart broke as she pulled you to her chest. Your tears hit her sweater as she kissed your head. "Don't be. You're a tough girl, y/n. you'll get through this again. Just like before, I'm not gonna leave you. I'll be right here with you, right by your side every step of the way."

She paused, dropping soothing and loving kisses to your head. "And I love you so much. I know it's hard but you'll get through it. We'll get you some help and we'll do whatever we have to do to get you feeling like yourself again - together."

She pressed her lips to yours, pulling you in for a soft kiss, one that made you feel loved. That's what she was expressing, what she was trying to show. That at a time like this, one where you feel most ashamed and disappointed and undeserving of love, is when she loves you most.

"You're so strong. You've got this. I know you can fight it." You sat there quietly as she whispered words of encouragement to you. "Will you call someone for me tomorrow? I need help." She bit her lip, trying to hold back how badly those last three words hurt. But she nodded nonetheless. Because she knows it's true, and she knows that you know she'll do whatever you need her to do for you. For now, and for forever.

"You're not alone. You'll never be alone. I'll always be by your side, I promise." She said and you believed it. With Ashley right by your side, you know you'll be able to get through this once again.