my mind, my shit

him

1st January 2020
10:34 pm

Do you still remember the boy I was once writing about? The one I was imagining myself wearing his hoodie?

Well things got different since then. We started going out a lot (all of us). And then him and I started texting every single day. Some days I texted him first, some days he did. It was always an awesome conversation. There was some kind of a flirt as well. He also wished me a happy birthday with a heart emoji and I was fucking happy. And I forgot to mention I actually got to wear his hoodie. And it was BIG hahaha. But cozy and it smelled really good. One day we went out, just the two of us. It was a bit awkward I have to admit but I was glad we went. He mostly did all the talking and I was good with that. And then there was another evening we went out and that was the night I got fucking embarrassed. So let's start from the beginning of this evening.

Me and my best guy friend were Christmas shopping and I was texting with him and he got kinda pissed off bcs he needed to get something and we said we can't go with him. So I said I'd go with him and he was like "okay". My bff should've gone with us but he forgot to do his school project so it was just him and I. We went by public transport, sat next to each other and talked. When it got louder and I couldn't properly hear him, he moved closer. When we got off and walked to the shopping centre he was kinda making fun of me but it was cool fun. When we got the store he was supposed to get some things from I said I'll wait here and pointed at the playground for children bcs there was no bench so I just sat on the edge of it.  Before he left he said "I'll pick you up from here" as a joke that I'm a small kiddo. How much I wanted to punch him! hahaha. As he 'picked me up' from the playground we went to the bookstore bcs of the public transport delay. He said to help him find some books he needed for graduation, then he found some book and said "this is about me!" and I was like 'what the fuck? lemme see'. The name of the book was "idiot" so I said "yeah true" and he was like "rude" and I just laughed and said we should go. Let's skip a little. We are slowly walking home and here comes the embarrassing part. We were talking about series we both were watching and I said I'm at the ninth episode and he was like "so you're just four episodes from the end" (it had 13 episodes) and I was like "nooo just three episodes" and then I realized I was actually wrong. So embarrassing!! But here comes even better shit. We got off this theme and started talking about how there's no snow. I said something like "the best winter with lots of snow was when I was like seven" and he said "so just five years ago?" *he keeps making fun of me that I'm just 12 when I already turned 16* and here my maths goes again...I'm not even gonna write what I said but...oh my God...he forgot about all this I think so it's okay.

We were still texting until now... I really don't know what's going on. But I'm kinda falling for him. And with what's happening right now I'm gonna fall apart again. We somehow stopped texting...then I was like 'okay I'm gonna text him' and we texted for a few. But he didn't text me for another week or so.

I'm following him on instagram and recently I kinda don't like him on his photos and stuff. I really need to see him again. Just so I'm sure I still like him. I don't know why but I need it. I kinda hope I don't like him...my heart wouldn't get shattered again. But there's one part of me falling for him. I can feel that. And I'm pissed off at that part of me bcs we're not even that good friends and we certainly can't be a couple anyway. I need time to get ready to be in a relationship and he needs time to recover from his long-term relationship that ended in August or September...But I really want him to be close to me as a friend and maybe after some time we could be more than just friends.

And that's pretty much it.

And what's going on in your love life? Good or bad things, huh? If you want you can share.

Nelly Diesel