11th January 2020
9:16 pm
I'm not gonna start with the typical question: "can a girl and a boy be friends?" cuz bitch I don't care what gender my friends are as long as they're not toxic.
But here's the thing about that kind of friendship. Let's make it more specific so you understand. I'm friends with a lot of guys and girls as well. But one of my best friends happens to be a guy and we planned to give each other a gift for Christmas. It was my idea and I'm aware of my mistake. But I had a really good and thoughtful gift for him so we arranged it and on December 23rd we exchanged those gifts. And here comes the awkward and totally-my-fault moment.
He bought me a teddy bear and a mug. I got him fucking expensive cards. (my gift for him doesn't really matter rn) I dropped it off at home and we casually went for a walk-talk in the fucking rain. Everything was okay except me. I was fucking weirded out by those gifts he got me. (Just so you understand completely: he had a huge crush on me like a year ago but now he says he's over that. I'm really starting to doubt it)
As soon as I put the teddy bear on my bed, my mother starts talking some shit. The other day she was holding my bear and I said "give it to me, it's mine" and she gave it to me but also said "I thought *name* is yours" and I totally lost it. I was so angry. I wanted to scream at her and cry so hard at the same time. I just explained to her that he's my best friend and that's it and she again said some shit like "friend can love you" or something like that. I said "well I don't want that". And it's true. I was actually thinking about it. How in a lot of movies or series are a girl and a boy best friends and then they admit their feelings for each other and date. I know that he's always been there for me but I don't like him in that way. I actually tried. I thought about us being together and stuff but it just isn't right.
And I'm starting to be worried about our friendship. If he still has feelings for me...I can't do that. I can't be friends with him like that. I'm sorry but I don't think I could pull that off. I wanna be friends with him but...I can't be friends with someone who thinks that maybe sometime we could be a thing...like no... fucking no dude...
Nelly Diesel
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my mind, my shit
Acakthis is something like my diary. my highs, my lows. everything's in here. if you can relate to anything, just text me. maybe we can help each other.
