not as normal as you think.

Chapter 4

I woke up at around 4. I just remembered that my period starts today so i have to do things. As I get ready I decide i want to look somewhat pretty today so I'll try. I put on jeans, a shirt that says "nerds rule", and sandals I got for my birthday. I never learned how to do makeup, because at the time I wanted to no one was there to teach me. So I tried the easy stuff today, powder, mascara, eyeliner, and a natural eye shadow. I have to learn atleast. I'm a girl. That's what girls do. I actually look pretty decent. As I walk into target I see a girl that looks just like me. Not the face or anything. But she looks sad and lonely like me. I'm going to walk up to her. What if she doesn't like me? Well she is probably as desperate as me. So why not. "Hi" i say nervously. But I don't get a reply. I get a smile. A real one. "Wow. I've never had a popular person talk to me." She said excitedly. "Oh. Me. Yeah im not popular. My name is Jenny. And im a desperate little child." I say with a chuckle. She laughs and says "hi, my name is Mikayla. I am also a desperate little child." And from there we sat down at starbucks and talked. "I think i actually have a friend." I mumble so only i can hear. I end the conversation with Mikayla with "maybe we should talk again". She smiled and said happily "definetly."

I was happy. I really was. But my happy went down when i realized i totally forgot my plans. So I grabbed a box of tampons, paid , and left. Then I went to the mall. I walked around bc I was bored. I finished walking around and headed back home. I then went on my computer and searched: Magcon California. (Old magcon btw)

I wanted to buy tickets for next year but i decided to wait. I was exhausted, so I took off my "makeup" and changed into comfy clothes. I decided I was gonna eat cereal for dinner and then just watch tv. What an amazing day. Well it was amazing. Until I walked in my Grandma's room. "NO PLS GOD NO." I cried as I saw my grandma's dead body on the floor. "PLS GOD GIVE HER BACK. WHY ME WHY ME." I screamed so loud my voice hurt. I called my dad. He could barely make out a word I was saying because I was sobbing.

I stayed up the whole night crying, yelling at god, yelling at my grandma. It's only me and my dad. ONLY me and my dad. That's it. no one else. Why. At that point i cut. Again.

*1 week later*

I've been taking online school for a while because of my high level of depression. I cut daily now. I see a therapist once a month. Things happen so fast. It sucks. A new thing that people are doing is "quijia" talking to the spirits. I want to talk to my mom and my grandma. I'll ask my therapist. I really wanna do it. We haven't had a funeral for my grandma because we don't have the money. So she is in ashes. In a vase that is in my house. Weird right.