Always - Sequel to Stay Together For The Kids

Feelings.

I pause as I go to run the knife along a carrot, narrowly missing my fingers.

"Fuck." I whisper under my breath. I had being trying to get dinner ready for over an hour now. But for some reason, I just couldn't pull myself together.

"Ruby's asleep." I hear Ashton say, his footsteps nearing behind me.

I murmur so he knows I heard him.

Ashton's footsteps get closer and I can hear his breathing from behind me, I can practically feel the warmth of his body he's so close.

"Are we going to talk?" He says, no emotion in his tone.

"About what?" I say, airily, putting on a fake smile for him.

Ashton glares at me. "About us, Lily."

"What's there to talk about?" I shrug.

"You've been so distant lately." Ashton says quietly. "It's like you're not even here with us anymore."

I pause, hovering over the carrot with the knife, my breath quickening. I shake my head. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't make this harder then it is!" Ashton says loudly.

Without thinking, the knife clatters down onto the bench.

"This is hard!" I yell back. "This whole fucking situation is hard! So don't act like it's just me."

"It doesn't have to be this difficult." Ashton softens his tone. "I like you so much and I can't wrap my head around why you can't just accept that."

"Because I feel the same fucking way." I mutter.

"What?" Ashton frowns.

"Because I like you too. A lot." I snap.

"Really?" Ashton raises his eyebrows, standing back for a minute.

It takes a lot of my energy not to smile at him, at his dumbstruck expression. Instead, I nod.

"Well, sorry it's such an inconvenience for you." Ashton says, turning away from me.

"Don't be like that." I groan.

"Clearly it is!" Ashton snaps, looking to me.

"It's not you." I begin.

"Don't you even dare use that line on me, Lily." Ashton warns.

I shake my head. "But it isn't. It's, him." My shoulders fall, and I find my eyes trail to the ground. I can't bare the look of pity in Ashton's eyes.

I hear footsteps as Ash moves closer to me, and my heart rate quickens despite of myself.

"He would of wanted you happy." Ashton says softly.

"With you?" I say, working up the courage to look into Ashton's eyes.

He has a deep frown, his eyes a flash of concern and pain.

"Do you want the truth?" Ashton says quietly.

I pause. Did I?

"Yes." I murmur.

"I don't know what Michael would of wanted." Ashton says, his eyes focusing away from me. "He can't come back and tell me whats the right thing to do."

Ashton pauses, and looks back into my eyes. I can't look away from them.

"All I know is how happy you make me. And all I want is to make you as happy, even more if I can." Ashton's quiet voice is such a contrast to our harsh words earlier.

I look down, letting tears escape me that I'd been trying to keep in for weeks.

"Don't cry." Ash whispers, wrapping his arms around my torso.

I let my head fall into his chest, and even though his intent was the opposite, I start to cry more.

"I just feel so guilty all the time." I manage to whisper.

Ashton kisses me softly on the forehead, lingering there for longer then he usually would.

"One day, you're going to wake up, and you're going to roll over into the man of your dreams arms." Ashton says quietly. "Now I'm not saying that's me, but I mean, it would be nice if it's me."

I let out a small chuckle, as I hug into him a little tighter.

"And Ruby's going to bound up onto the bed, and you're going to remember how much Michaels eyes looked like hers."

I feel myself crying even more.

"And you're going to smile because you know how proud Michael is of you. For moving on. For keeping strong for her."

I look up to Ashton, attempting to wipe away the ongoing tears from my face.

"You really think he'd be proud of me?" I say, trying to control my breathing.

Ashton leans his head closer to mine.

"Lily, I know he's proud of you." He whispers, his breathing soft. "I'm proud of you." He adds even softer.

I hug tighter into him.

"Thank you." I say after a while.

Ashton's chest rises and falls quicker, and I know he is getting emotional too.

God I hated this. Why did I have to be so emotional, now of all time?

Ashton didn't deserve this. He deserved to be happy, and I hate myself more for dragging him down with me. But for now, I know I can't lose him.

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This is kind of a short chapter and I haven't updated in forever so I'm very very sorry 😭

Love you all xx