Love Of My Life

The Great Pretender- July 13, 2018

Recommended song- The Great Pretender by Queen.
July 13, 2018

Benjamin's POV

It was a few weeks since Benjamin had seen Tyler at the lake. To say he was surprised that the young man had been making a yearly visit to pay his respects to Mike, well "surprised" was an understatement. He couldn't believe that Tyler would do that.

Actually he could believe it. He had gotten to know his student pretty well over the past three years and he knew him to be extremely compassionate and caring.

Benjamin would often look up and catch Tyler looking at him with concern. He never understood why he had that look. Benjamin understood now. He was there that awful day when he had lost Mike. Benjamin couldn't quite understand how he felt.

Comforted. Yes. He realized that Tyler had comforted him in little ways over the years, just simple gestures that often Benjamin just thought of for the moment then was gone. He knew that when Benjamin was having a particularily tough day that it was Tyler that would shh the class if things got too noisy.

He knew it was Tyler who would often get his band mates to sing a few lines from Queen songs to cheer up the teacher. He thought he had hid it so well, but Tyler knew. Tyler always knew.

He thought of the times when his windshield would be scraped off at the end of a winter day, when his desk would be tidied, when there was always a few extra guitar pics in his case. He realized now that it was all Tyler's way of comforting him.

Benjamin found it overwhelming to be on the receiving end of someone's extraordinary kindness. He knew that Tyler had gone through a lot of trauma in his life. He was amazed at how peaceful Tyler was despite his traumatic past.

If Benjamin was honest with himself, for once in his life, he would realize that there was something there. He would realize that he was deeply touched that Tyler cared enough FOR HIM to visit the place where Mike had died. It was not done for Tyler, he didn't even know the young man. He did it for Benjamin. How remarkable was that?

If Benjamin was honest with himself he would know that it was Tyler that had been taking care of him from a distance for these years.

If Benjamin was honest with himself he would admit that he looked forward to seeing the cheerful young man Monday mornings, that he searched him in the crowd when he played open mic. But Benjamin was scared of how he felt sometimes. He remembered feeling terrified of his feelings for Mike when he was a teenager until he buried them so deep for fear of his best friend being disgusted and ultimately abandoning him.

He never gave it a second thought, he willed himself to make peace with it and ignoring all thoughts of love he had towards his best friend. It was what Benjamin grieved for the most, never telling him how he felt. Even just to say it and be rejected would be better than never having the chance to say anything.

He had long buried the fact that he was gay and the few dates he had with woman over the years was pointless. He had never dealt with those feelings and admit to himself how he felt, how he knew without a doubt that he was gay.

Once again Benjamin would return to his habit of burying feelings and never speak of his growing affection for the young man. He didn't want Tyler to misunderstand him. He had always thought well of the young man, he admired him but he certainly didn't have any romantic feelings for him. Not until the day at the lake.

That day. His warm arms comforting him. His eyes so full of concern. How he knew how to console him, how the young man took care of him. To Benjamin it was a feeling he had never experienced. He had shied away from relationships to the point that at 28 he hadn't had a relationship for a decade. He simply wasn't interested. Until now.

He was completely out of his element. He had absolutely no idea what to do. He had never acknowledged his sexuality, which explained his lack of interest in woman and only meaningful relationship was with his best friend and that wasn't even acknowledged in any shape or form. Benjamin sighed. He was the great pretender, smiling for everyone, such a pleasant face he would put on when in fact he was broken and this new feeling was shaking him to his core.

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Tyler POV

He couldn't get Mr. Myles out of his mind. He had never had these feelings for him, not a crush, nothing of the sort. It happened so suddenly, completely unexpected and unprepared for.

Accepting his sexuality when he was 16 was freeing. He always felt that there was something about his feelings towards boys  but couldn't say for certain, until he developed a love struck crush on Adrian in the eleventh grade, then he knew without a doubt in his mind that he was gay.

He had a few short term boyfriend's over the years, dating for a couple weeks then breaking up, but a real relationship? No, he hadn't had any feelings for anyone other than nervous jitters and sweaty palms. This feeling was completely new and it scared him.

Mr Myles was one of his favorite people, someone who always encouraged and supported him and Tyler never forgot the surprise he and his brothers received outside the courthouse on his adoption day. Mr. Myles encouraged his singing and learning the guitar.

"This will be so awkward" Tyler said aloud to himself.

"What will be awkward?" Simon asked coming up the stairs.

"Uh nothing". Tyler said looking awkward.

"Ty. Don't pretend with me. You can tell me anything". He smiled at his older brother, encouraging him to open up for once.

Tyler sighed. He was right. He was tired of pretending so he motioned to his room, Simon closed the door and Tyler told him everything he was feeling for his former teacher. Simon just nodded.

"So you haven't seen him since you were at the lake?" Simon asked.

"No. I...uh.... have been avoiding him". Tyler looked down embarrassed.

"Tyler. That's so not cool". Simon looked disappointed. "That's not like you at all".

"He has open mic tonight. Should I go?" Tyler asked nervous, knowing what Simon was going to say.

"Yes! Go. Now" Simon said pulling him up and throwing his jacket at him.

Tyler laughed. "Ok. I'm going. Thanks Simon".

"Anytime Tyler". Simon hugged him. "Now go" Simon laughed with him.