⇾ 𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅𝐅 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 | 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧 𝐋𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐈

Chapter Fifty-Two: Everyone Says That, But It Never Is

December 26, 1961

"It was technically my room," I said to John later. "There's a lock for a reason. Learn to use it." I rolled my eyes.

He smirked. "It couldn't have been all too bad, yeah?"

"You're gross," I laughed, shoving him.

He laughed and looped his arm around me. "I'm never gonna get enough of you. I'm always just gonna want more, more, more."

"That's...strangely comforting," I answered jokingly.

"Strangely?"

"Strangely." I looked around at the scenery surrounding me. We were sitting on the porch side by side and light snow was falling from the bright sky. It wasn't quite noon yet, so the sun hadn't peaked. A glance at my watch told me it was 10:00 AM. I could vaguely make out John's eyes on me from the corner of my eye.

"You're still worried about him, aren't you?" he asked. How in the world had he figured it out? What was I letting show?

I looked at him, a conflicted look on my face. "Well—."

"Aw, Donna, he's gonna be fine." John placed a comforting hand on my back.

We had been outside when the doctors had told Queenie and Harry why exactly Brian had collapsed. They'd been told it was the alcohol along with some sort of medication he'd taken without telling anyone. The thought alone was horrifying to me.

"I know he will be," I said, irritated. "But what if it happens again? What if it happens when no one is around to help and he—he—he—." The door behind us opened. I stopped talking, knowing I'd start sobbing if I continued. John turned, but I didn't.

"Everything alright?" I heard Clive's voice ask from behind me.

"Well, everything's just alright, thanks for asking," quipped John. "Everything good with you?"

I turned in time to catch Clive roll his eyes. "Sure, everything's just dandy," he said and I saw Barbara on his arm.

"We're going for a walk," she said. "If you would like to come?"

John shook his head. "We're fine, thank you."

Clive shrugged. "Have fun, then," he said as the left the porch and made their way down the walkway.

John rested his arm around my waist. "Love, everything'll be alright."

I looked at him sadly. "Everyone says that," I answered. "But it never is."

His face fell sympathetically. "You've got so much else to worry about. One thing at a time, dear," he said and put his arms around me, pulling me close and resting his chin on the top of my head.

"My mind just doesn't work that way, though," I pointed out pitifully.

He hummed lightly for a moment before replying. "Maybe you should stay here when they go to get him."

"Why?"

He pulled back and looked at me, tracing my jawline with his thumb. "I just think it would be best. You can have some quiet time."

I frowned. "But—."

"Ah, shh, shh, shh." He chuckled and took one of my hands in both of his, examining it fondly.

"What are you doing?" I laughed.

He looked up at me and smiled, kissing my hand. "I just—." His voice broke off. Was John Lennon choked up? Nervous? I smiled imploringly, wanting (more like needing) him to go on. "I just love ye so much," he admitted with a light chuckle, fumbling with my hand in his.

"Well," I said. "I love you too," I said, only realizing now just how much I meant it.

I love you is a funny little phrase that most people seemed to throw around too loosely. I, however, rarely ever said it. It just felt like it could mean too much. It also meant I was becoming attached, possibly too attached. How much I had fallen for John in so little time scared me, but something about it felt so right. I just couldn't stop myself.

~~~

I eventually decided to wait back when everyone went to get Brian. Of course, that meant John stayed with me. John has become pretty good with everyone. He didn't show an ounce of nerve whenever they spoke to him, and it seemed everyone else liked him in return, which was definitely a relief.

Staying home wasn't extraordinary in any way. If I was honest, it made me think about it even more. Everyone understood when I told them I was gonna stay behind, thankfully.

After they'd left, I sat down in front of the TV and flipped through channels absently, not looking for anything in particular and not picking up on anything I skipped.

"Ye gonna stop on something, love?" John asked from the couch.

I turned to him and frowned. "What?"

His lips tugged upwards and he pointed to the TV. I finally jerked out of my trance. "Oh, right." I stopped pushing the button and it stopped on a channel playing a show I'd never seen in my life. I stood up and went and sat on the end of the couch, pulling my knees to my chest and staring skeptically at a man sitting in a chair with someone next to him. They appeared to be doing some type of skit.

"Ye okay over there?" John asked, confused.

I looked at him blankly. "What show is this?"

"I—." He looked from me to the screen. "I have no idea."

I smiled. "It's like that time we went to the drive-in. Remember that? Did you ever find out what movie that was?"

He grinned and turned his body to face me. "I never did. Didn't really care anyway." He laughed, moving to sit next to me. I leaned into him, tired all of a sudden.

We spent a few minutes staring at the show, not knowing what was happening. All I understood was that it was, in fact, a skit of some sort. Whenever they did something foolish, John and I would laugh slightly.

I didn't remember falling asleep. I only remember waking up to Johns's voice coaxing me back into reality.

"Donna, they're home," he whispered when my eyes had fluttered open.

"They are?" I asked, sitting up too fast, my head spinning. "Where?"

He laughed. "In the driveway. They'll be in in a moment."

I smiled eagerly as the door opened. Everyone was smiling and happy, and that made everything I was feeling subside for a moment. I smiled when Brian came in, getting up and running towards him. He put his arms around me.

"I'm sorry, Donna," he said.