⇾ 𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅𝐅 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 | 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧 𝐋𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐈

Chapter Thirty-Three: The Perks and Hardships of Being Donna Epstein

October 13, 1961

Thursday, John and I finally got some time to do something together. It seemed the week had flown by. After lunch with Dot yesterday, I didn't feel like going out any and only left when the boys went to play. They'd been playing six or seven hours a night and so every morning they were too tired or hungover to really do anything, but today, they had finally got a day off, and since we were leaving tomorrow, I was prepared to wander around with John all day.

"It's like the Penny Lane of Hamburg through here, Donna!"

"Is it?" I laughed.

"Of course it is! Let's go shopping!" he yelled jokingly. "Look! Clothes!"

"Can't we eat first?" I complained. "I'm hungry." I gave home a pitiful look.

He frowned. "That's not fair. I can't say no to you."

I shrugged. "Just one of the perks of being me." I paused. "Buy me that car!"

"That's where I'll say no for the first time."

"Darn, thought it was worth a try." I shrugged and he laughed, pushing me lightly into a diner.

"Is Hamburg still the drag city it was when you arrived?" he asked.

I looked around at the dark streets outside the diner and shrugged. "I think it's a lovely little getaway. It definitely isn't any Liverpool."

"That it isn't. That's why it is called something different."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

"I'm glad we're getting to hang out together, just us, today." He smiled.

"Don't jinx it," I said, laughing.

3...2...1....

The bell above the door jingled. "You knew?" Paul's voice was shocked and angry, and his eyes were dead-set on me. John had jinxed it.

John looked from me to Paul and the other few people in the diner were now staring.

"You didn't think to tell me?" he demanded, stepping up closer to me. "Not even a little warning?"

"Knew what? Paul, what are you talking about?" John asked, confused.

Unfortunately, I knew exactly what he was talking about, but where was Dot? Oh, God, where was she? The workers were now staring at us and I felt like melting away.

John stood and took Paul by the arm, leading him outside and I followed timidly, John strategically keeping me out of his reach. The look in Paul's eyes was murderous.

"What are you two keeping from me?" asked John, having led us out in an alleyway.

"Your bird here loves to keep secrets, doesn't she, John? She just doesn't care who should know. She keeps it to herself."

I tried to stay calm, but as I spoke, I had to keep stopping to breathe until I felt lightheaded. "You're blaming me?" I asked, lividly offended. "She only came to me because she's scared of you! What does that say about you? I'm just more approachable, I guess." I crossed my arms and he started to lunge at me, but John caught him from the side.

"Tell me what you're talking about," he said to me, confused.

"What else are you keeping from us, Donna?" Paul spat. "Why'd ye move to Liverpool? That's a story you never shared. What else about yourself are you hiding?" Paul yelled and I stared back in horror.

"He got his bird pregnant. That's why he's so mad. He was irresponsible." I said, leaving John in shock. "Dot told me because she was scared and didn't know what to do. I would have done the same thing, had it been me. Anyone would have. I guess you wouldn't know that because you don't have a clue how it'd feel. You can't blame me for your mistakes," I said coldly. "You can't blame anyone but yourself. Thanks for ruining my day, Macca."

No one said anything. Finally, Paul's eyes just broke out in tears. John let his arms go and he fell into a crouch, his head in his hands. "What am I supposed to do? I'm so stupid, oh my God," he moaned.

"Where's Dot?" I asked. He looked at me and I'd never seen anyone look so troubled and conflicted. "I'd start there," I advised.

"Sorry, Donna, I dunno why I got so mad," he blubbered. "I just didn't know what to think and I tried to come up with everyone I could be mad at, but forgot I existed." He laughed bitterly.

"Sorry this happened, Paul," said John after not speaking for ages and for a moment I thought that was the first time I'd heard him address Paul by his name.

"Go find her," I told Paul and he nodded, rubbing his eyes and standing.

"Thank you for telling her to come to me," he said, giving me a sloppy and awkward hug before leaving, cursing to himself angrily.

"What the hell just happened?" John said after a moment.

I looked at him and felt so breathless I was about to faint. I crouched down, feeling myself fade away and fighting it desperately. "I'm not exactly sure."

"Ye okay there?" he inquired, concerned.

"Just barely sane."

He sat next to me, picking up my shaking hand and looking at it skeptically. "That made ye nervous then?"

I looked at him with eyes full of sarcasm. "No."

He blushed and put his arms around me protectively.

"This always happens?" he asked quietly.

I nodded. "I'm used to it by now." He pulled away and looked at me sympathetically, but I smiled. "I'm okay. You make it better."

He smiled happily. "That's good to know." He paused. "When did Dot tell ye?"

"Yesterday at lunch."

He nodded. "That makes sense. I just can't imagine how they must feel." His eyes glazed over with nervousness. "May that never happen to us," he said, recovering with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes. "It positively won't."

"C'mon, Donna, throw some caution to the wind for once." He raised his eyebrows.

"Never will I cave," I replied. "Can we eat before I pass out from that too?" I asked.

He nodded, standing and taking me by the hand. "I don't think they want us back in this one though—." He pointed to the diner we had encountered Paul in. "So we best go to another one."

I nodded with a laugh. "Good idea."