Titusville: This Week in Review (Vol. 1: Year 1)

July 9, 2017 (Issue #3)

This week on...Titusville: This Week in Review!

First things first, there's a special visitor who is home for the weekend. If you can guess who it is, you will receive one participation award. Those who get it wrong will get an angry reaction.

Many citizens were alarmed during the course of this week by a series of loud booms! Don't worry, Titusville. We recently celebrated the Fourth of July. The usual festivities included barbecues, backyard parties, scrubbed rocket launch, a beautiful array of fireworks, and perhaps some gunshots.

Due to the overall confusion between fireworks and gunshots, multiple reports of strange and mysterious sirens flooded in. Where are these sirens now? No one seems to know for sure. How much longer until these sirens summon the notorious helicopters that intrigue the mysteries of the night?

QUAM'S IS CLOSED!! I REPEAT QUAM'S IS CLOSED!! THEY MAY BE MOVING BUT THEY'RE STILL CLOSED!! IF THERE'S ANY BETTER TIME TO PANIC, IT'S NOW!!

I ventured to Sand Point Park today to investigate the claims of a Splash Pad. Such Splash Pad's existence has been questioned numerous times from many on this group. What did I find? Nothing. Nothing to suggest the Splash Pad is either there or not. Does it exist? Is it in Heaven? Although I am blind to the possibility of a splash pad, I feel compelled to join the religious following in hopes I will one day ascend to the heavenly, ethereal splash pad and rinse myself of doubts in holy water.