Titusville: This Week in Review (Vol. 1: Year 1)

September 3, 2017 (Issue #10)

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooood evening Titusville! TWIR will be early tonight as morning shifts stink and I like sleep. In other words, another week has gone by. Felt like yesterday I wrote the previous installment. Sleep is important, people! Sleep is also for those who are blissfully unaware of what lurks in the dark.

If you sleep in the night, good for you. There is so much that happens at night. For example: sirens. Silent sirens. They emit lights of blue and red. Some say it is the signal of freedom. The sirens, however, are a mysterious force. They show up before the Hovering Night Lights. Do the sirens herald the HNL? Do they spell out the doomed fate of whom they catch? What mysterious answers lie ahead?

The last storm we had was a doozy. It was raining Hell! I mean...hail. It might've been raining cats and dogs. Perhaps those that are missing. This, of course, followed the sonic booms and a blimp sighting from the days prior. TPD does not know the cause of the storm. "It was a storm," they said, "and anyone who says different is fake news!"

Hurricane Irma is churning away in the tropics. After Harvey's destruction in Houston, Irma is gaining strength and tracks project a Florida landfall. Please stock up on food, water, discount solar eclipse glasses from the dollar stores, and board wood. Be prepared.

Playlinda is cashing in some serious money. They heard the rumors that the splash pad mysteriously disappeared. No one has talked about the splash pad in weeks, causing it to vanish from existence. The result was a price hike at Playlinda beach. An advocate for the splash pad, McGregor, called out Mayweather earlier this week, bashing his anti-splash pad stance. The former deleted his Facebook comments after a heated debate. This resulted in a televised throwdown between the two. Mayweather's win secured the splash pad's untimely fate and allowed Playlinda to start charging for more money. What a conspiracy!

In lighter news, football season is gearing back up. Align yourself with the team you believe is an accurate representation. Remember: War Eagles vs Terriers. This is something that shouldn't be taken lightly. Besides, Quillen's has tacos named after both teams. Good tacos too. I get the War Eagle despite being a Terrier Alumni. Shhhhhhh don't tell anyone that. I'm not a traitor. The War Eagle taco is better. Where do you stand, tacos and teams: War Eagle or Terriers?