Titusville: This Week in Review (Vol. 1: Year 1)

August 13, 2017 (Issue #7, Part 2)

Titusville: This Week in Review (Special Edition!)

I'm back. Back from a place unknown to anyone. It resembled a prison, but it wasn't a prison. It was worse. The cell was small, made of concrete, and the metal bars kept me in captivity. There were no windows. I couldn't tell what time of day or day of the week it was. Food was scarce; it was stale bread for the most part. The water was a blessing and a curse. Fresh, cold water to drink and clean in, no running water or toilets. It was a nightmare.

But the nightmare began last week. One week ago actually. Last Sunday night. In my pursuit of truth for you people, I investigated the whereabouts of a Hovering Night Light west of the town. The beam of intense light focused on the swamps. It circled around. I tried hiding. The advanced technology found me within seconds. I ignored the one piece of unsung advice Titusvillians need to know: don't hide from the Hovering Night Lights!

My return has not been pleasant. I was arrested because they know I know their plan. Everything the government has said to you is a lie! There are no sonic booms. It's part of a bigger plan. Don't believe me? Noticed anything peculiar this week? It's part of "the plan".

For example, the disgruntled chicken? That's not normal! A chicken feared by man. So feared that no one wants it. For it cannot be killed, it in stills our darkest fears into our minds. It is as if the chicken embodies what we are afraid of the most...

Need more proof? A blimp flew over town earlier this week. My sources made me aware of this upon my return. Blimps are not normal either. Blimps are not blimps, in fact. They are experiments disguised as blimps. As they pass over town...well, I cant tell you. If I tell you the men in suits will come after me. Just know this: when a blimp flies over town, run. Run far as fast as you can! Don't worry about anything else. Forget about the nude beach at Playlinda. Forget about man boobs. Forget about Fish the Pig! Don't even stop to save the couple doing the nasty behind the McDonald's dumpster. Just run!

It's all part of the plan. The sonic booms are a lie. It's their experiments. It creates insanity in things! The water, the schools. It's all part of their plan and we are the mice! Don't send your kids to school. Leave! Head for the mountains! Find a fallout shelter because it will rain soon. A rain of fire beyond the likes of which you have never seen! Darkness will fall upon the Earth. Not even nail salons are safe! If you cannot find a designated fallout shelter, hide in your nearest dollar store or automotive parts store. The end is coming. It all starts in one week! The horrors I cannot describe to you will become real! RUN! HIDE! THERE IS NO FIGHTING BACK! THERE IS ONLY SURVIVAL!

Stay safe, my friends. I will see you all in one week. The day the world's doom begins. This has been Titusville: This Week in Review, Doomsday Edition.

To be continued...