When We Fall

Chapter 10

                                                                              J u l y

The days after Albert's passing were dark and brooding. The weather seemed to fit the mood of the Marlow family quite finely, with grey clouds and chilly breezes. All was quiet and still outside, not a single branch swayed in the wind. And the Marlows remained indoors, sitting around with solemn faces. 

Everything felt off. There was a disturbance in the world, an emptiness. Their father's impeccable light was no longer felt or seen or heard. All the warm hugs and "I love you"'s had vanished. And the house seemed so empty, and especially silent without all the coughing. The children were used to hearing his loud, energetic voice broadcast through the rooms. Now it was just quiet sobs and spaced-out stares. 

Ida didn't know how to handle herself. She used to be waiting on him hand and foot to nurse him all those weeks. Now she had nothing to clean, no one to help. Even Helen was as mute as a mouse, sitting around on the sofa glumly. Ida looked for things to do, like clean the windows or polish the surfaces in the kitchen, and when she did find something to mend or tidy she would jump right into it. She hated the silent moments when loneliness and darkness crept into her mind. She tried shutting them out. 

Kitty wasn't the same. The first couple of days after her father's passing, she was paralyzed and in silence. She would stare at the walls and tear up thinking back on all those precious memories of him. But three days later, she found a poetry book her grandmother gave her a few years before and found all the sad, gory poetry to meditate on. She wasn't brave enough to talk to anyone about how she was feeling, in fear she'd invade their space, so she read poems of sadness to feel understood. 

Leigh, little Leigh, was angry. Angry at God, angry at the sickness, angry at herself, but also angry at her father. She wished he would have told them he was passing, that way they could have some time to process and say their goodbyes. Instead, he kept it a secret and never got to say farewell, or "I love you". To Leigh, it all felt unfair. She felt like it was wrong like someone made the wrong choice and chose the wrong fate. It wasn't how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to live... forever. He was supposed to be around for all their lives. But he was stolen away - just like that. 

She spent time outside the house kicking around rocks, throwing twigs at trees. When she did throw the sticks at the big old trees, she imagined it was like throwing something at God. She always thought trees were God's relative creation, as a part of himself was grown inside each one. They were so big and strong and yet a sign of life and tranquility, so she always put the two together. Now Leigh stared up at them in anguish and frustration, wondering if they could even understand what was going on. By they, she really was thinking God. 

"Do you even know what you've done?" She muttered under her shaky breath, tears glossing over her eyes. A moment of silence beside the sounds of nature around her, and she gritted her small teeth as she picked up another stick from the ground. "I hate you!" She yelled as she chucked it at the branches of the tree. She angrily watched as it hit a large branch and came falling back down, not even taking a leaf down with it. The tree stood unharmed. In her rage, Leigh picked up another stick and threw it again, but the same thing happened. 

She exhaled deeply through her nose, trying to relieve the tension inside of her. In an instant, she was overpowered by somber emotion and broke into tears, so much so she could barely catch a breath between sobs. Leigh stumbled to the ground and held her knees close to her chest, sobbing into them. 

"Why..." She whispered. 

"Leigh?" A small, pure voice chirped. Leigh didn't bother looking up and concealed her face as more tears spewed out.