Semita Vol. I

Serenity

It's a funny feeling to stand on a roof
And wonder what would happen if you jump.
It's strange, not being able to find the proof
That others would miss you when you're gone.
It's dizzying, it's staggering, it's puzzling,
Wondering why on earth you feel so hollow.
It's terrifying and it's mystifying and it's horrifying
To wonder when you stopped feeling at all.

I used to pray for serenity,
For peace in the storm of life.
But now I can't help but feel
Like I'd rather suffer through the strife.
At least my feelings were valid then,
And I didn't have to justify away my pain.
But now all I feel is emptiness,
And it makes me wonder if I'm sane.

How can I be like this?
Things should be looking up.
How could I feel like this?
I shouldn't be wanting to give up.
But if my life is going great
Then why do I feel so shallow?
But if I have so many friends,
Then how can I feel so hollow?

I need serenity.
I'm tired of monotony.
I'm tired of conformity.
I'm tired of this hostility.
Where is my tranquility?
Where is my positivity?
Where is my serenity,
When I feel like everyone would be
So much better without me?

I thought I was done writing these poems,
But I guess these questions always come back to haunt me.
I prayed I was done with the numbness,
But I guess that feeling of fulfillment, God won't let me see.
All I can wonder now is what would happen if I jumped.
Would I have brought a dark shroud onto my friends and family?
Or if I took just a few steps more,
Would I finally find my elusive serenity?