Sacred Madness

XIX. Goner

[This chapter will have a brief mention of suicide so if you're uncomfortable with that you can dm me and I'll give you a summary.]

Slowly, the house was becoming empty, and its not that it used to be lively because it never was, but the fact that it can get much quieter was saddening. Kris rarely goes home, he had even stopped coming home and decided to spend all his days at Nam's place.

Their father only went home once; to beat up Gun and cursed him for existing. After that, he wasted all his days at the bar, getting drunk and smoking cigarettes. Its like he had lost his mind trying to find that familiar face in every single woman who enters the bar. He looked for her even when he knew she was gone, even though he knew she won't be coming back.

The late nights and the early mornings was all becoming a blur as the day went by inside the four corners of The Chamber where Gun laid still for almost a week.

He can feel everything.

From the cold wooden floor, the chilly midnight air, his own life falling apart. He can feel everything slipping out of his hands yet he chose not to do anything.

Its like the world was moving without him as he was stuck with all his what ifs. What if he didn't went back home? What if he just went with his father? What if he wasn't born at all? Maybe everything will be okay.

"Repent my child. Pray away the evil."

Once again, his mother's voice echoed from the corners of his mind where all his dark thoughts seems to foster. It always calls him, in the middle of the night, when he was at his most vulnerable.

"You are the evil. Please disappear."

This night, more than any other night, the voices seems to be more vicious, and Gun was gradually becoming tired of it.

Its like he was stuck at this enigmatic balance between 'he doesn't have any reason to die, just as much as he doesn't have any reason to live; and it scares him every time. He has been scared of it for too long but tonight, he decided to break that balance.

One, two....no it wasn't enough. Gun gritted his teeth as once again, the cold blade glided along his wrist leaving a third cut. The crimson blood dripping from his wrist to the cold wooden floor.

He came in this world unwanted so maybe its just right that he should go out of this world unwanted as well. He was just so ready to be reduced into dust and disappear into nothingness.

"P'Gun!!!"

A voice echoed inside his head once again but it was not the same. It was familiar but it wasnt her mother.

"P'Gun please wake up."

Gun felt someone shaking his shoulders. He forced his eyes open and saw the person his broken soul knew all too well.

"N'Mark." Gun uttered, small smile painting his lips before he completely lost his consciousness.

"P'Gun why?" Mark asked in frustration. He was horrified.

He checked his wrist and felt a little relieved that the cuts weren't that deep and there wasnt so much blood spilled. Maybe Gun was too weak to be able to cut deeper and that's also the reason why he easily lost his consciousness.

Mark quickly tore off the bottom part of his shirt and wrapped it around his wounds. He thought of taking him to the hospital but decided not to. First he was sure his wounds weren't that bad, second he doesn't know how to explain the situation, and third, he considered Gun's feelings. He thought that maybe Gun wouldn't want people to know that he attempted to take his own life. Even Mark himself couldn't fathom that fact.