As its nothing but the sound of hail dropping on the roof outside she wakes with a jolt. She looks around while breathing heavily. "Phew" It was only a dream.
Lately I've been dreaming more. I'm not sure if i should be happy about that or pissed off. Sometimes I've been having amazing dreams but i don't remember what about. but most of the time its nightmares. I turn on the music. It distracts my mind, or so it used to. When you do something to much your body learns to work around it. sometimes that's a good thing but for me... not so much. Broken sleep is something I wish it would work around. every night i wake up around midnight and can't do shit about it.
I look at the clock. 12:07 pm "Fuck" I murmur. I woke up once again. I get up and go to the bathroom. suddenly my stomach roars. It looks like i'm hungry... Fun. I start rummaging around the fridge and pantry. Nothing. With all the stuff we have you'd think there was something. I sigh as i grab a cup and some almond-milk. I poor myself some milk and sit down. Once i finish drinking i put the cup into the sink quietly. I'll deal with it later. I grab two ice-packs from the freezer and bring it to my dad switching out with the old ones.
By the time I settle back down and go back to try to sleep i can't close my eyes. I sigh as i look at the time. '1:28' How has so much time passed already? I lay for a bit longer and then give in and grab my computer that i got for Christmas. Logging into wattpad again for the first time in awhile i debate on what to do. I scroll through my notifications. "A lot of conversations- I might look at them later." I whisper to myself. I go to my profile and open up ocean lies- the first book i actually plan on trying hard on and see that one of my old friends from 4th grade had helped me out. I smile slightly "Thanks you perv" I think to myself. She was the one who completely ruined my innocent mind. Ha, that's why I've cussed and made dirty jokes since 4th grade, thanks to her. We did have fun though, i miss her. We'll have to try and meet up again soon. I miss being able to make dirty jokes around friends without them looking at me with disgust. Although my friend group at my new school is pretty chill, i feel safer there. I finally think i figured out who i am.
I'm lesbian now, i'm not sure if I've mentioned this but when i was younger i thought i was, but then i got bullied and hid away. I'm glad that my mom was lesbian so i had a head-start on knowing about LGBTQ+ I know to some people "You can only be lesbian if you're a girllll" I call bullshit on that, i'm gender-fluid. Sometimes i feel more feminine but never masculine really. i sometimes feel in-between. I normally go by she/her lately but sometimes its they/them. (EDIT: I fucking think i'm questioning-)
It's good to just vent about shit going on in my head sometimes. I guess i'll continue.
Recently my dad had took in a trans girl named Layla, she's 19. she stayed for about a week but then abused her privilege of staying here. I won't go into detail for her sake. but my dad's helped her out a lot, and personally i don't think she deserves to have dad watch over her. We had never even known her a month ago. When she was staying with us i felt a connection to her. she felt kinda like a sister to me. I was happy to have her here with us. But... the day after new years i had my gf over and Layla wasn't doing so well. She didn't make the best choices and neither did I. I got mad at her. I'd cared about her, we all had. I was happy to have her here, i helped her in anyway i could. And how she repays our kindness was making the wrong decisions not only just making them but making them with my gf over. i yelled at her- no. I screamed at her. How could she play with our feelings? It was the first time dad's ever took anyone into our home before. It'll probably be the last. Even now my dads still helping her. He's been making sure she has somewhere safe to stay. but not with us.
My school like i said is pretty chill, and my friends make me feel safe. although not that long ago we had a "friend" who was with us. His name was Levi. And before you guys ask- yes. he's alive and still at our school. I had met him because we were in one class together. Me and him had one thing in common. we were lonely and dumb. he liked pine since the start... and so had I. Pine had asked me who I liked, and i didn't want to tell her yet that it was her. So I looked around desperately and saw Levi turn the corner. I told her i liked him and she said she'd help me out. I didn't tell her not to because i didn't think it'd ever actually do anything. I barely even knew him let alone tolerated him. A few weeks later he confessed to me he liked me. but this is when all hell broke loose. I said i liked him too because i didn't realize he meant like like. i was tired and didn't sleep the previous night. Then he kissed me. Not just any kiss, no. French kissed me. I pushed him off me and didn't know what to say. This had only happend once before. My cousin, I was scared. I was sitting there and was confused. Then he asked me out and i didn't say no. i didn't say yes though. I just shrugged cause i didn't know what to say. I guess he assumed we were in a relationship and kissed me like all the fucking time. I told him to stop... but he didn't. After a bit, on Halloween actually i "broke up" with him, Told him i didn't like him like that. I still regret not saying it sooner. I guess i was scared of what he would do. A couple days later we still "stayed friends" and i found out he started asking out at least 8 different people withen 4 days. He even asked out pine. even though he knew she was lesbian. She rejected him, not just that but she scolded him since it had only been 4 days since i dumped him. He asked her multiple times. And i had wanted to ask her out. but i didn't wanna seem like one of those bitches who dated on and off 24/7 like him. but on November 4th i just... i asked her. and i was so happy when she said yes. I hugged her and we were smiling. We didn't dare tell anyone just yet. we didn't want to draw attention to us for Levi to come running. And yeah, he didn't have a clue. the next day and everyday for the next 2 weeks until we told him we were dating he asked out pine over and over again. Finally i stormed over to him and yelled at him. I told him to get a fucking life and to stop asking out my girlfriend. Then i threw a old notebook at him, flicked him off and went over and hugged pine. He still didn't stop there though. he asked out everyone in my friend group, even though more than half of us not only hated him but were lesbian. He started to get a bad reputation and blamed it on me. He said he didn't have any friends and that it was my fault. At that i laughed. for he was the one asking out almost everyone he saw. I've been doing my best to ignore him, since i don't want to deal with his bullshit but it's not easy when we're in the same grade and same school. its not a big school either. I still don't know exactly how to deal with him. but for now i stick to my friends and make jokes about not wanting to be a 'Levi'.
Thanks for reading guys ^-^
(btw, art not mine, just thought it looked cute)
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Random Shitty Writings
RandomI basically just start writing something till I'm happy with it *shrugs* Read if you want but it probably will suck
