The Darkest Star

Chapter 26: Andromeda Walburga Black

I'll tell you when to play the song

~~~~

          I pulled on my black leather gloves, snapping them before I slipped in through the small crack in the doorway. sliding my wand out of my sleeve. I have to work quickly, I grabbed the first book I saw labelled 'charms' flipping through the pages till I found the spell I needed, Reparo. I silently strode to the fireplace. not needing to speak. the flame burned back to life, the book rising to my hand. it was a purple-blue galaxy with a weird symbol on it, what is this? I've never seen this mark before. what the fuck?

~~~~

           I sat in my room, curled in my bed, my face stained with mascara and eyeliner. my hair was as greasy as Snape's, my right arm had acquired many raw scars. I had huddled in three layers of blankets, safe from the humid air outside. the door swung open, almost breaking the hinges. there stood a frantic looking ly, still wearing her dress from the night before. her hair a tangled white-blonde mess. purple marks almost as dark as mine. 

          "where. the. fucking. hell! have you been!" I just groaned, sadly 

          "here," I said no expression, she stormed in pacing in front of me, panicked.

          "everyone reeled on me as if I know where the fuck you run off to, fuck I don't know where you are when you're with me! I just can't keep doing this!" she suddenly took in my current state, pure black circles under my bloodshot eyes. my face stained in black washed tears. "what the hell happened to you"

          "nothing" my voice gave out halfway through.

          "what the fuck" she whispered under her breath, my eyes welled with tears

          "so" my voice cracked "guess who's single now!" I said fake enthusiasm coating my voice. 

           "he fucking left you!"

          "erm, well..." she gaped at me, I let out a choked sob, covering my mouth as if that would stop the sounds from showing.

~~~play song now~~~

          she quickly rushed to my side wrapping her arms around me, now don't get me wrong my body has an automatic complex that likes to repel any physical contact unless for some strange reason it comes from a male that is not related to me by blood in most cases, actually all those cases it was Fred. but he's no longer here. so to both of our surprise, I hugged her back, tightly. crying harshly, my whole body shaking.  she rubbed my back soothingly. about an hour later, I was almost fallen asleep, from the exhaustion that is crying. somehow I had also gotten changed out of my dress. 

           "I-I have something to t-tell you too" she stuttered nervously. I simply nodded my head.

          "I've been dating someone since fifth year..." I tried to sit up on my elbows but fell back into the bed. 

          "what" I croaked

          "yeah, and I kinda got dumped, when they found out about well, you know" she gestured vaguely to her arm she frowned hatefully. I just looked at her disappointed, I still had no idea how she could be so against this. she laughed slightly "I burned it. everything I had in my fireplace last night" I looked at her shocked, she just looked sad. 

          she started talking again but everything was muddled, I fell into a deep sleep. I tried to recall the last time I slept, last week? no. two weeks? I fell into a sleep, not by choice, only because I was too weak to resist. A familiar scene took over, the blood-stained road, flickering lamplight, knife in my hand. but now, different bodies littered the ground, before it was just Fred, now, it was me. but I was still alive if you could say that. 'I' was bleeding out from a massive wound in my gut, fatal. a wind whipped around me, urging me, not pushing, but telling me almost. and I listened, walking forwards to the light. the girl in front of me was sobbing weak, scars exposed, mental and physical. I was ashamed of this.

          "pathetic" I snarled but the voice wasn't my own, I quickly brought the blade down on 'my' neck. I expected that weak part of me to come back and the tears to start falling, but it didn't come. I looked up to see Fred, now I'm going to cry I thought but once again, I couldn't. he looked sad, unlike his usual happy self.  that hurt me so much inside, I collapsed to the ground, literally dying of heartbreak from the inside out. but I couldn't show it. once this registered to 'Fred' he slowly disappeared, as if the fact I couldn't show I still care, meant he is now truly gone. although his sad hollowed-out eyes were imprinted in my mind. I lost him. and I'm continuing to lose people again and again. 

          in a fit of frantic anger, I slashed the knife over my wrist, barely missing my vein. I was shaking when I woke up, blood, stained my sheets a large cut on my wrist had dried up, brown dried blood everywhere. that was real!? Ly was passed out on top of the black duvet, curled up in a tiny ball, her blonde hair neon against the black of the room. I quickly stood, not worried about waking ly, I ran to the dresser rummaging through the top drawer, finally finding the blade from the dream. I closed my eyes and opened it. I was nervous, I cracked open one eye. the blade clattered on the floor, spraying the marble with the blood. I tried so hard, I sat there for hours attempting to get anything to actually show, but it wouldn't come. my heart was a broken worthless mess. but I guess this is what I asked for isn't it?