The Darkest Star

Chapter 29: Draco Lucius Malfoy

Omnia Bona Veniunt Ad Finem // All Good Things Come To An End. 

          I woke up wrapped in familiar arms, the room still smelled of our activities last night. I pulled myself from Jake's arms gently and grabbed my boxers from the floor. I pulled them on so I had a least a little decency as I walked to my bathroom to shower. My hair was a mess, it almost looked like Potter's. The thought of Harry made my heart do funny things. It always did. My feelings for the boy only seemed to grow despite my best efforts to crush them. I felt guilty for hooking up with Jake while still in love with Harry. It felt like betraying my feelings for Harry and also betraying Jake. I climbed into the shower with a blade in my left hand. The water flowed over me and steam filled the room. I ran the blade along my right arm a couple of times, adding to the abundance of scars. The inside of my right forearm was almost entirely covered now. My eyes were drawn to the biggest scar, the one that almost ended my life. I wish it had. I watched the blood run down the drain and started to wash my hair. 

          I stepped out of the shower with a towel around my waist. Jake was sitting on my bed in just his underwear. He raised an eyebrow when he saw me. I blushed and turned away from him to grab clothes from my closet. I didn't like my body, especially now that I had so many scars from the Sectumsempra incident. Jake hadn't said anything about my scars, the ones self-inflicted and the ones not. I supposed he was just trying to be respectful, and I appreciated it. I'd rather it be that way, he just pretends they don't exist. Pretend that I'm not a broken shell of a person. 

          Jake comes over to me and I feel his hands on my waist and his lips planting small kisses down my neck and along my shoulder. It tickles slightly and I chuckle, 

          "I just showered. I'm not getting gross and sweaty again." I gasp as he sucks at my neck, biting slightly. Jake shrugs and detaches himself from me. 

          "I should probably go to my room and clean up before we get caught anyway," he says. I nod and Jake gathers his clothes off the floor and gets dressed. He walks back to me and pulls me in for one final breath-taking kiss before leaving carefully. 

          I sigh and change into my black Death Eater outfit. I walk over to my mirror to fix my hair. Just as I'm finishing my eyes are drawn to a dark splotch on my neck, a fucking hickey. 

          "Fuck," I whisper to myself, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, fuckity, shit, shit!"  I wrap a Slytherin scarf around my neck and race to Lyra's room. She's there when I storm in, doing her makeup. She jumps at the intrusion and her mascara pokes her in the eye. 

          "Shit," she hisses. Her eyes start to water and she frantically looks up, waving her hands in front of her eye. It looks very strange. Once she seems to have a hold of herself she looks over at me with a disgruntled look. I smile sheepishly, 

          "So..." I start, "I screwed up and I really need your help." Lyra frowns and I close the door behind me as I walk in, 

         "With wh-" she stops speaking as she looks at my neck, I've just removed my scarf. "Draco!" she whisper-shouts, "you idiot!"

          "I know! I know!" I respond, "please just cover it." Lyra reluctantly agrees and pulls me over to her makeup station. She brings out a green-tinted concealer. 

          "Ly, I don't see how green is supposed to-"

          "Shut up." I stop talking and she blends the green over my hickey. She pulls out a purple and a yellow as well. She uses only a little yellow and purple on certain spots. I don't quite understand why she's making me colourful but whatever. Lyra grabs her own concealer and spreads that overtop of the coloured ones. Lastly, she adds a layer of foundation. 

          "Done," she exclaims, "good thing we have the same skin tone." I turn to look in her mirror, it's gone. Completely covered. If you squint it's slightly visible, but it's definitely not noticeable unless you know it's there.

          My limbs are tired and I feel like I'm laying on clouds. Jake is beside me, still breathing heavily. I pull the blanket up to cover myself more. 

          "We can't keep doing this," Jake whispers. I look over at him, there's sadness in his eyes. I frown and nod in agreement. He's right, as much as I'll miss it this is putting us both in too much danger. 

         "Unless," Jake says, "unless we made it something more. A real relationship, I don't think I can continue to do this. I'm putting too much as risk and-" he breaks off and his nose crinkles in frustration. I wait patiently as he finds his words. "-and I have feelings for you, I'd even go as far as to say I love you. I don't want to have a casual relationship anymore. I want to be in a real relationship or none at all." Jake is looking at me such a vulnerable and soft expression. I consider being in a relationship with Jake, what it would be like. But I just can't. I bite my lip and sit up, suddenly feeling the cold air on my chest. Jake sits up next to me and I meet his eyes. The expression on his face is the same one I see on myself whenever I think of Harry. The love in his eyes is clear, It's scary and I feel horrible. Because I just can't reciprocate his feelings.  

          "Jake, I'm sorry," I say. I see the sad expression in his eyes as he realizes what I'm about to say. "I would, really you're amazing. But-" I run a hand through my hair and sigh. "-I'm in love with someone else. Which I know sounds like a shit excuse but I've tried to like you, I have. It would be easier to believe it or not. But I'm sorry, I just can't." Jake turns away from me, I feel horrible. There's a long moment of awkward silence before he turns back. There's a soft smile on his face, which is unexpected. 

         "I understand," he whispers, "guess this means we're over then." I chuckle sadly and I feel like I'm going to cry. I'm not sure why exactly. Jake isn't crying yet, but he looks like he wants too. 

         "I'm not mad at you," Jake says. 

         "Really?"

          "I can't blame you for being in love with someone else can I?" He laughs. I laugh too but it comes out choked. Jake leans forward and embraces me in a hug. I put my head on his shoulder and my hand cradles his neck. A few tears escape from my eyes and I laugh awkwardly. 

          "Dammit, why am I crying?" I say as I pull away. A tear rolls down Jake's cheek as well, he's still smiling and he looks sad but there is genuine happiness in his eyes that makes me believe he really isn't mad at me. 

          "Who is it you love?" Jake asks. I shake my head, 

          "Not important."

         "If you say so," Jake says. Another moment of awkward silences passes. Jake leans forward gently and brushes my hair from my eyes, "I hope it works out for you. And if it doesn't, you'll always have a chance with me." His tone is soft and sweet and I smile at him. He smiles back, and It looks genuine. He leans forward and plants a small kiss on my cheek before getting up, dressing, and leaving without another word. 

          We're over now. And I suppose that's for the best, what we were doing was too risky for something so casual. It was best we ended it now before we regretted it. But I still felt a twinge of pain pull at my heart, I hadn't expected it to end so soon. But I suppose all good things do end eventually. 

~River 🌊