Love and Leather [Alec Lightwood x Reader] + gifs ✓

21. Problems

You woke up to voices coming from a close distance. You couldn't recognise who they were though. You tried to move your body, but it felt too heavy. You started opening your eyes slowly, but you had to attempt the same movement over and over again to be successful. 

When you could finally look around, you saw Jace sitting in one of the armchairs with Clary on his side on the arm. Magnus was sitting in the kitchen which you had a clear view to, talking to your parabatai. You were searching for Alec, but you didn't find him. Disappointment ran through your body at once. You wished he was next to you, but you knew that it was still you who liked him, and your feelings weren't returned. You tried to move, but something was stopping the cover over you. You looked on the side to realise Alec was sitting on the floor next to you, his head laying on your side. He started waking up at your movements.

"Y/N." His sleepy voice melted you inside. At first you were surprised to see him, but it quickly changed to happiness. 

"Morning handsome." You smiled gently. He didn't return the gesture, but you could see the warmness in his eyes and that was more than enough. 

"Are you feeling better?" He asked still trying to get rid of his sleepiness.

"I am brand new." You replied caressing the left side of his cheeks. You tried to get up, but you still felt a bit wobbly. 

"Be careful." He cautioned you as he got hold of your waist, helping you steady yourself. 

"Thank you." You smiled and even you realised how lovingly you looked at him. 

You walked up to your parabatai, who had surprise sitting across her face when you appeared in front of her. She quickly got up from her chair and hugged you tightly. It seemed as if she didn't plan to let you go for a while.

"Don't break me." You chuckled.

"You scared us!" She scolded you.

"But I am all good now." You let go of each other. "I am assuming it's thanks to Magnus." I nodded towards him. 

"Don't mention it." He smiled. "I'm glad you are feeling better. It was a close call." He had a warning tone to his voice. 

"Yeah, I guess so." You replied this time with less enthusiasm. 

"You should rest." Alec appeared behind you putting one of his hands across your waist. You looked up at him with a smile and placed your hand on his. When you looked back, two pair of raised eyebrows caught your eyes. You completely forgot that you didn't tell anyone. You started feeling awkward not knowing what to say. "This... erm..." You started, but you just couldn't make any sense. 

"We know." Your parabatai helped you out, but this time, it was your turn to be surprised. You looked up at Alec, but he just looked away. "Yep, he is the guilty party." Izzy chuckled at his brother's very obvious behaviour. 

"But..." You were about to start, however you got cut off. 

"I was too worried and it slipped." He explained still not looking at you. 

"He was freaking out about what to do, when Magnus was struggling to heal you." Izzy chuckled. "Slipped my ass." She pushed her brother on his shoulder. "He didn't really have a choice, but to tell us after such a worried act." You turned to look at him again, but this time your eyes met. You happily smiled at him blushing. 

"Sweet." You stroked his cheek.

"Let's go." Alec pulled you away and led you to the balcony with a slight blush sitting across his face. As much as you enjoyed his worry and attention, there was just something in the air that didn't let you be completely happy. 

"Is everything okay." You asked, while sitting down on one of the chairs behind Alec. He was standing at the rail looking down at the city's busy streets.

"I really want to say yes, but no." He stated and let his head fall between his arms. You didn't understand him.

"What is going on?" You asked standing up, but your body was still weak, so you chose the most comfortable option and hugged Alec from behind. 

"I don't know." He sighed. "I was worried." He continued. You were happy to hear his words, but he seemed different. He seemed off somehow. "I didn't know what to do, how to act when you were in that vampire's arms." You could hear his teeth clenching in anger. "I never felt so powerless." 

"And?" You tried to push him to continue. 

"And that feeling... those feelings, I don't want to experience them again." You frowned in confusion. You didn't understand what he was trying to say.

"What do you mean?" You asked to get some answers. 

"I don't think it's a good idea that we agreed to... whatever is between us." Your eyes widened in surprise. You walked next to him and looked at his face, trying to have eye-contact. You were unable to get one though. 

"Why would you say that?" You asked. "I don't understand you." You shook you head in disbelief. You were unable to comprehend that your happiness only lasted two days. 

"It distracts me. I worry and I can not keep my mind clear." He explained, but you just chuckled sourly. 

"So what you are trying to say is that you care about me too much - which don't get me wrong, it makes me happy -, but you think, if we just left each other, you will not worry about me anymore?" You tried to put all the puzzles together and it felt incredibly painful.

"That's not what I meant." He finally looked at you, but this time you wished he wouldn't. "I am just confused. I'm not sure how to handle this." He shook his head.

"Well, to me it seems that you think you wouldn't worry if we didn't date each other. Which is bull, you know that. We are still friends, we are teammates, there will always be some sort of caring feeling." You explained bluntly. "Do you not worry about Jace, Izzy, Clary? Don't try to deny it, I know you even care for Clary. So can you please explain to me what your problem is?" You placed your palm on his cheek and tried to turn him towards you, but he refused.

"I don't know. I don't even want to think about it now. Please just forget it." He frowned as a deep sigh left his lungs. "I just don't want my judgement to be affected." He explained. You just scoffed at his reply, but you didn't plan to continue the conversation. It was useless to do so.

"Let's go back to the institute." You said simply and walked back to the living room.