Abyss - Book Five (Man x Man)

Chapter 31

The divide between us and them has never been so clear. While it clearly did affect Fillipa, to some extent, the regret that our actions caused seemed to only be felt by me. Haryek felt little remorse for commoners who stepped out of line, considering that he felt agitators of any sort should be punished. 

Anuetta seemed happy to claim that it was precisely my fault they died. If I hadn't of left the club, and listened to Loan, the rebels would never have been caught. With that in mind, I hid in my room for the rest of my trip, feeling less than enthusiastic about such political partners.

It was no wonder these people were so afraid of the current government losing control. It would affect their way of life, how many of them were responsible for the very things I was fighting against? 

Verando was as much help as he could be but I couldn't bottle things away and use them for ammunition whenever I wanted. The way I coped was to bury any discomforts from my memory with physical touch and intimacy, which was not possible for me with my multiple injuries 

So I practiced with the moths and small insects that lived on our current train while everyone else slept, truly I just exploded them and felt worse about myself for ending even more lives. Any attempts at using my warlord to blow off steam were met with a hasty retreat that I wasn't used to. 

Of course, he didn't want to hurt me but the rejection was just as painful. 

Arriving at the next station brought more frustrations as the German city seemed unwilling to let us into its depths, much to my 'husband's' relief. Their support for the 'Good King' allowed us to rest in a local tavern until our next train arrived to take us the short distance to Paris, France. We had finally arrived, and we had made the first steps to a lasting alliance that would aid us in freedom and winning this war. 

The days slowly ticked by and France seemed no more willing to get anything done than my own home city. Anuetta, in her element, was excited to show us all the luxuries her city had to offer and by the second week of our stay travel had begun to bore me. 

It wasn't the kind of traveling I longed for, historic and long-winded, taking most of my day until I was so exhausted at night I could hardly make it to my bedroom. No museums, no art shows, and no music, the tour consisted of an explanation of current and past royalty so that I'd have more context in our future court proceedings, and my lack of ability to speak French made appreciating it difficult. 

When I could muster up any energy, Verando helped by giving me lessons in French. Romanian was close, in a way, but I was having a hard time dropping my Slavic undertones and allowing the correct pronunciation to come through. While it did please me to see him so amused, failing at something like this was a hit to my breeding. My mother had worked so hard to push us to learn English, which I'd excelled at. 

His eloquent way of speaking made my meager attempts sound like a scratched record, though I was making progress considering no one took any pity on me and offered up English. I found myself musing about the lifestyle Fillipa was being brought into, a bride-to-be, learning the language and following around the commonwealth mistresses. While she wasn't my preference, I did enjoy her company and knew she was struggling as I was. 

While my society had forced me to include the woman at my side, it didn't mean we couldn't form a bond. It was killing her as much as my routine drove me to madness. At least she didn't have to sit through lectures with a person like Haryek encouraging day drinking at every turn. 

In truth, it became the only way to stomach healing ribs and sarcasm in a language I couldn't understand, free-flowing wine was a means to survive. With water purification questionable, I struggled to find issues with any sort of alcohol. At least it was clean.