The Meaning

3.1: A Look Back

Cain's eyes sweep around the room. It's a really well decorated room, doesn't look as modern as the other parts of the building. There's a fully stacked fireplace which emanates nice warmth.
Dr. Richter is a 55 year old bald black man. He has a large frame. He's quite muscular.  
Richter: I hope you're not nervous.  A lot of people tend to be. Please do have a seat. 
Cain: I just really find this room nice. 
Richter: Why do you find it nice? 
Cain: It's just really cozy and beautifully decorated.
Richter: I see. *starts writing* Would you like something to drink? A coffee maybe, Diana makes exceptional coffee.
Cain: (Already writing? We haven't even started yet) I don't drink coffee. But I would accept a glass of water if that's not a problem. 
Richter: Of course not. *starts speaking through the phone* Diana, please could you get our guest a glass of water? Thank you. *looks at Cain* So are you gonna sit down or are you just a stand up guy? *laughs*
Cain: *giggles* I mean I'd like to think so. But I'm gonna take the offer and sit down.
Richter: Wise choice.
Diana enters the room with a jug full of water and two glasses. 
Richter: Thank you, Diana. 
She leaves the room.
Richter: She's a great assistant, and one day she will become a great psychologist. But she's not quite there yet. *clears his throat* So you came here because of a dream. But I don't think the dream is the main thing. Am I right?
Cain: Yes, you are right Mr. Richter.
Richter: Leave the formalities. Call me Richter. 
Cain: I want to talk about the dreams, because I think they are connected to my personal issues. *fills a glass with water* 
Richter: What kind of personal issues? 
Cain: *takes a sip of water* I don't feel like I have any purpose in life. I try to fulfill my day to day obligations, but I don't think there's anything I want. I don't really see the point in carrying on. I always tried to be a good person, but I feel like nothing good ever happens or when it happens after some time it gets taken away. So I'm scared to commit to anything. 
Richter: Interesting. And you believe the dream has something to do with it? 
Cain: Yes, I believe so. 
Richter: *sits back in his chair* So let's have a look back then. We're going to track this from the beginning.  Tell me in detail about your childhood before your parents sadly passed away.
Cain: I loved my parents, they were good people. Both of them religious, they tried to raise me as a christian but I never believed  there is a higher authority. They raised me as best as they could. They were successful, I still have footprints of their parenting. They loved me very much. *stops and frowns* Then the accident happened. 
Richter: Tell me more about what happened after the accident. Do you remember people's names, faces, the police station? 
Cain: Names I can't remember. I think the counselor's surname started with a C. But it's really misty. Weirdly I don't remember their faces, but I could never forget the expression they had on their faces. It stuck with me all my life. The police station was an old building. It looked like your typical police station. A carpark with a bunch of cop cars. It was a brick building. It had a double door as it's entrance. As you walk in you can see the reception, a bunch of desks where detectives work. Portraits of old officers. There is a staircase which leads upstairs and downstairs. Upstairs there are the offices of the commanding officers I think and uh... downstairs there is the... *he takes a sip of water* the bloody morgue. I think I've written about the morgue, correct me if I'm wrong. 
Richter: You have. After you identified the bodies, what did you feel and why did you get rejected by 4 families, why didn't your relatives take you in? 
Cain: *he starts looking around while he speaks* I wanted it to be a nightmare. But even though I was 8, I realised quickly it wasn't. This was really happening. That counselor guy, he told me what's going to happen to me now. I just stared at him. But I can't remember his face which is weird because I listened to his every word. At that point he made me feel safe. I never really thanked him for being patient and understanding with me. (I should actually find him. Say thanks)  I think a lot of these counselors don't care, they don't try to understand and they just say meaningless things. But he told me clearly that I'm going to be alone for an unknown amount of time till they find me a place, a family.
We were an outcast family in the eyes of our relatives.  We didn't fit in their interpretation of a "well working' family. They are weird and mean people so they just coldly said no. At first I felt betrayed but now, I'm happy they didn't take me in. I would be a completely different person, and not for the better.
Richter has been writing his notes like a student who's trying to copy things into his notebook while Cain was speaking. But as he's doing that, he listens to every word Cain says. No wonder he's the best in the business.
The 4 families didn't accept me because... well to put it simply they... found an apple with a worm in it. And what do you do with an apple that's rotten? You throw it away. It's not their fault. I don't blame them. I'm not angry at them. I hope they found their healthy apple if there is such a thing. Which I don't think there is. Sooner or later the healthy apple will turn rotten.
Richter: I believe that too. People think it's a radical viewpoint. But it shouldn't be. Everyone has their own demons.
Cain is surprised. Usually psychologists try to stay subjective, they try not to share their own viewpoints on the world's things. 
*Diana enters the room*
Diana: Dr. Richter!
Richter: Yes, Diana? 
Diana: Your wife stopped by, she's in a hurry so she didn't come in. She wants to talk to you. 
Richter: Alright. *looks at Cain* I hope you don't mind if we take a small break.
Cain: Not a problem.
Richter: *smiles* Good. Diana keep him company, will you?
*Diana nods*
Richter leaves the room and it's just the two of them.
Diana: So how are you finding him so far? 
Cain: He's not your average psychologist that's for sure. It's like he's not paying attention because he's writing so much, but he does somehow. 
Diana: People like him are rare. Like I mean... he's really intelligent, he may seem like a lazy and selfish person because he's only taking people who's  troubles he finds interesting, but he's the opposite. He's helping people who are deemed hopeless by other psychologists.
Cain could feel the admiration coming from her words. He looks at Diana and smiles, she's confused.
Diana: *nervously* Why... why are you smiling? 
Cain: It's great having someone  to look up to. Especially if it's truly a great person.
Diana: *smiles* I have a great chance to become someone here. This is a great opportunity. But...*sighs* I feel like I don't deserve it.
Cain: Why do you think that? 
Diana: I don't think I'm good enough to learn from him, there might be people who are better at this job than I am.
Cain: *sits in silence for a second* There almost definitely are better people at this job, but they are not better people. You can be good at the job while being a shit person and in my opinion that makes an awful psychologist. You can be average at the job while being a wonderful human being who's really trying to help people. You need emotional insight as a psychologist, if you don't have that then, you can know the job inside out, you won't actually accomplish your job as a psychologist because you won't understand your patients' emotions which is the most important part. So don't worry. I can already tell that you'll be a great psychologist. 
Diana is left speechless. She just sits there and stares at Cain. That meant a lot to her. Silence fills the room, Cain is waiting for some kind of response but she just kind of awkwardly smiles at Cain and nods, then walks out of the room while almost tripping up.
(Wow, even I'm surprised I made a speech like that. That felt good. I think I'm slowly getting out of my shell. I'm still not sure if it's a good idea. )