The Meaning

13.1: Coping?

Cain quickly calls an ambulance then he has to kick the door in, after the third try he succeeds and rushes up where the scream came from, it came from the bathroom. He rushes in and sees Bailey on the floor which is covered in blood, she made deep lacerations on both of his arms and already lost a lot of blood. Cain quickly sits down and holds her head in his arms. She's barely conscious. He tries to put pressure on the wounds, but they are too deep and wide, he can't do anything. Cain is panicking and he doesn't what to do, so he just tries to keep her from fainting. 
Cain: I'm here... Look, I'm still here. 
Bailey: I thought... I told you to lea-leave...
Cain: You did, but I came back...
Bailey: Why-y? 
Cain: Because I heard your screams, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have suggested that...
Bailey: What? Leaving me? 
Cain: Yes.. I shouldn't have considered leaving you, not even for a short time...
Bailey starts to fade away.
Cain: Don't close your eyes. You have to fight.
Bailey: I don't want to. 
Cain: Please... 
Tears are rolling down on his face and his voice is trembling.
Cain: I can't lose you... 
Bailey: It seems like you will. 
She almost loses consciousness once again. 
Cain: Stay with me! 
Bailey: I can't... Cain... I- ca- can't...
Cain: No, no, no!
Bailey: I'm sor-sorry..
Cain: No... no, you'll be fine. We'll be watching a series in no time. PLEASE YOU HAVE TO HANG IN THERE! OH GOD, WHERE IS THE FUCKING AMBULANCE?!
As he says that, sirens can be heard approaching. 
Cain: You hear that? Just a little more.
Bailey: No... I-I... Th-this is it. 
Cain: Don't speak, just stay... we have so much to do! Don't leave this stupid idiot alone please...
Bailey: Cain..?
Cain: Yeah..?
Bailey: I... love... you.
As the paramedics enter the house she loses consciousness and stops breathing. 
Cain starts crying.
Cain: *screaming* NOOO! Stay with me!
His voice is slowly fading away.
Cain: *quietly* Stay with me. Stay with-
His voice breaks down. The paramedics step in and they realise that it's to late to do anything, so they just stand there. Cain looks up at them and he understands that there is nothing to be done. So he starts holding her one last time and he kisses her forehead.

A month after her death, he's still broken. He doesn't leave his room, he just sits inside all day, doing nothing. Everybody's concerned. Diana came a week after it happened to try and help, but Cain didn't want to see her. She's going to come once again today. Cain lost all hope. 
Cain is laying on the bed, thinking.
Dream Cain: Wanna talk? 
Cain: *in a monotonious voice* Sure...
Dream Cain: You made the decision to tell her.
Cain: Yeah... 
Dream Cain: You killed two people.
Cain: I guess so. 
Dream Cain: Do you not feel guilty? 
Cain I do. But what's the point? 
Dream Cain: You're making me feel depressed holy shit. 
Cain's mom knocks on the door. 
Eva: Cain, Diana is here to talk to you. 
Cain: Gimme a few minutes and I'll be out. 
Eva: Alright honey. 
Dream Cain: This is going to be interesting.
Cain: Yep.
Dream Cain: For me. Not for you. 
Cain scoffs, he stands up and exits his room. His mom, sister and Diana are all sitting down in the living room waiting quietly for Cain. As he enters the room, he notices the eerie silence.
Cain: Hey, what's with this silence? *sarcastically* Did somebody die?
The silence stays.
Cain: Oh-kay... no jokes. 
Cain sits down and looks over all three of them. 
Cain: So this seems oddly serious...
Diana: How are you? 
Cain: Shit. 
Diana: Yeah... So there is something that we want to talk to you about. We've been discussing this for the last week. 
Cain looks confused. 
Diana: So... we're worried. 
Cain: What? About me?
Monica and Diana: Of course. 
Cain: Look, I'll be fine. 
Diana: Your inside your room 24/7.
Cain: Well, should I go out and get a new girlfriend? You know? Just simply move on, like nothing happened. Damn right, I'm going to be sitting in my room all day. 
Eva looks at Diana and Monica
Eva: Maybe we shouldn't, I still don't think it's a good idea.
Monica: Mum, this is the best option. He might do something stupid and I don't want that. I'm going to do everything to stop that from happening.
Cain: HELLO! I'm still here! Spit it out already, what do you want?
Three of them look at each other and Diana looks Cain in the eye.
Diana: We think you should go into a hospital. Where there are therapies, which can help you.
Cain looks baffled.
Monica: It's the best course of action! 
Cain: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I haven't gone nuts. I'm gonna be fine. I just need time.
Diana: It's not that you've gone nuts... It's just... We...
Monica cuts in.
Monica: We just fear that you might end your life. 
Cain: You know me better, than I do at this point. Okay, I'm going to make this plain and simple. I'm not going. 
Monica: Cain, please. You should. 
Cain: No, I shouldn't! 
Monica: It will do good to you. 
Cain: No, it fucking won't. You know what, fuck this! I'm just not going. 
Cain stands up. 
Monica: Don't be a stubborn ass! Look at the bigger picture. 
Eva starts crying. 
Cain: The bigger picture? You know what the bigger picture is? The person I loved. Like truly loved, *raises his voice* just killed herself, because I wasn't good enough! I didn't do enough for her! She's fucking gone. So sorry if I feel sad and depressed and traumatized and that I won't fucking go to your psychiatric hospital! God fucking dammit! 
Cain sighs and looks at Monica and Diana. After a brief pause he continues.
Cain: I've thought about it by the way. I did. Because this whole clusterfuck, which we call a life is full of bullshit! All my life I felt like I had no place in the world, I didn't think I was good enough! 
Monica: Ca-
Cain cuts her off and starts shouting.
Cain: No, no, no! You're going to fucking listen! Then I met her. I finally found my place. I felt like I was worth something. Now... she's gone, that feeling is gone. A part of me is just fucking gone! I don't really have the power to try to get better, maybe I'll never find that power ever again. There might not be a way out for me. Maybe the best option is to just off myself! Here, this is what goes through my mind every second of every godforsaken day. 
No one really knows what to answer.
Cain: Yeah... that's what I thought.
Cain goes back to his room. He built a wall in the past month inside to contain his emotions, but it just crumbled down. Everything is seeping through now. He thinks back and completely gives in. 
Dream Cain: Maybe it's time. 
Cain: Maybe...
Dream Cain: There is no point.
Cain: There really isn't. Why do you look like that? 
Dream Cain: I am you... or going to be you. 
Cain realizes.
Cain: You were in my dream. You were the dead body in the alley. When I saw way back on my way home, something was missing. The body... I am missing from there. Wait, what...  I saw my own future?
Dream Cain: No, of course not. You walked by that place a few times. You never really acknowledged it. But your subconscius saw it, deep down you knew. If you were to kill yourself, you wanted it to be there. 
Cain: I still don't know what you are though.
Dream Cain: Your mind, your thoughts. Some people hear their thoughts, you also see me. Which I guess kinda makes you crazy. Or makes me crazy.
Tears start rolling down Cain's face. He mutters.
Cain: I'm sorry... I'm sorry... 
He wipes the tears off his face.
Cain: It is time.