The Meaning

3.2: A Look Back

After 3 minutes of sitting alone and looking at the various paintings in the room, Richter comes back.
Richter: I'm sorry. I hope you weren't bored.
Cain: *shakes his head* I had a lovely chat with Diana.
Richter fills a glass with water as he does that he sits down and has a sip of water.
Richter: So where were we? 
Cain: We were talking about rotten apples.
Richter: Ah yes. So after 4 families you found the right one? Tell me about them?
Cain: They remind me of my real parents. When they got me, they didn't try to force anything on me. They just let me get used to living in an alien enviroment they changed my name to Cooper. My name was originally Cain Parker. After  5-6 months I started accepting the fact, and they embraced me as their own. They love me as their own son and I love them as my own parents. I also have a sister. Before they got me they adopted a girl called Monica. She is 4 years older than me. So when I got there I was almost 9 and she just turned 13. I never had a sibling. So it was weird. The attention was split between us. I wasn't used to that. I had a phase when I thought about getting rid of her in some way because I was jealous. I could've done something. Even though I'm 4 years younger I'm smarter and more mature than her. If I wanted to I could've tricked her but I didn't. To this day I feel horrible about even thinking about it. Now I think she's the one who's jealous. We're not on bad terms, but we rarely speak to each other. Mom and dad kind of favour me instead of her. I think it's because she moved out 2 months before her 18th birthday. Well I say moved out. She basically ran away. To this day we don't know why. We have an agreement with my parents that we'll never ask her about it. I'm way too curious, so I want to ask her someday. We're distant but I think we share some kind of bond even if it's a weird one. 
Time is passing really fast it's already 5 PM. But Cain's really enjoying it and contrary to other psychologist, Richter doesn't seem to have a time limit.
Richter: Do you ever miss her? 
Cain: I wouldn't say so. She does her own thing, and so do I. When we talk, we have good discussions about things. 

Richter: I see. *finishes writing* It seems like nothing that happened in this time period has changed you in any drastic way. So I'm guessing something else must have happened.
Cain nods in agreement. 
Richter: What happened?
Cain: Well... I had a best friend for  5 and a half years. We always thought we were made to be best friends. Her name is... 
His voice crumbles, it's like he can't say her name without his feelings getting the best of him.
Richter: *in a reassuring voice* Take your time. 
Cain: Her name is Kelly Able. Our names were the reason we became friends at first in the 3rd grade. Both of our parents were religious so we knew about the story of Cain and Able. I still remember that day. *scoffs* I wasn't ever in love with her and I don't think she ever was with me. So love interest never played a part. We were truly great friends. We always believed that we're going to be friends till the end. We trusted each other. Then she changed. Suddenly she wasn't the person I met and... and became b-best friends with. She felt different. This started in the 9th grade. I couldn't wrap my head around it. She was ignoring me more and more. Neglecting me at every opportunity. I didn't understand. I was confused and hurt by it. But I was too afraid to confront her about it and decided to give her space, maybe that's what she needs. Then one day at the end of the year, she came up to me pulled me aside and told me that we are no longer friends because she found someone way better than me. When someone who you trust and care for completely says that... It just messes you up. That someone who was supposedly way better than me was a complete asshat. His name was Wayne. He didn't care one bit about her. She completely kicked me out of her life and she was talking shit about me with her newly found friends at the time. Saying that I was never a good friend and  everybody should stay away from me because I just push people away and treat them like garbage. This whole thing really felt like a knife in the back. The worst thing it came without any warning. So that day I just went home and started... 
His voice crumbles again and a tear starts rolling down his face, he wipes it off with his sleeves and composes himself.
Cain: We had a heated argument a few days later. Until that day we were unbelievably close and cared so much about each other. For a long time I blamed myself. But now I don't know what I feel. She recently came here to attend the same high school I do. I don't know how to feel about that. I just don't understand my feelings. 
I was angry for a long time. It changed me so much that I couldn't be in the same school with her. So when my dad said I should attend this school. I almost immediately took the chance. I just had to get away. Since then I felt like I'm numb. I didn't really have friends, didn't care about anyone. I felt like I'm fine alone. I put away the pain. Didn't want to experience it again. But recently I'm starting to open up and I feel unsure about it.
Richter: Maybe she came here because she wants you back. 
Cain: I highly doubt it. 
Richter: Well you should talk to her, get a better understanding of things before you judge them. Opening up is always hard, especially after an experience like this. If you don't feel comfortable about it you shouldn't open up. 
Cain looks at the clock, it's 6PM. 
Richter: Lastly, your dream. What do you remember? What is the connection between your jumbled up emotional state and that dream.
Cain: I've been having it since October. That's when I locked myself in a bubble. The last time I had it was Sunday. I remember that there are police and an ambulance on the scene. In an alleyway there's a dead body laying there. It's like I'm slowly walking towards it and when I'm close enough to see that it's me I jolt awake. Maybe it resembles my emotional state. That it's basically numb like a corpse. Or that the old me is dead. I met someone on Monday who I started caring about. I'm not having these dreams since then. Maybe I'm turning back into my old self. 
Richter: Are you having any suicidal thoughts? 
Cain: Well... I've been thinking about what it would be like. But not about doing it or anything. 
Richter: Hm.. Interesting. *finishes writing* Well I think we should leave it at that.
Cain: Okay. When can I come back? 
Richter: After your winter break. Diana will message you a date. 
Cain stands up and they shake hands. 
Cain: Thank you.
Richter: Don't thank me yet, you're not out of the woods yet.
Cain nods and says goodbye to Richter. He walks out the door, and says goodbye to Diana, but she stops him.
Cain: What is it?
Diana: Well... thank you for those kind words. 
She gives a quick hug to Cain.
Cain: *smiles* You're welcome. 
He hails a taxi and gets in. He gives the adress to the driver and he starts driving. Cain starts staring out the window at the now dark city.
(I should talk to Kelly, maybe Richter's right. I still miss her. But what if she'll just stab me in the back again. She did it once, she'll do it again. I will talk to her after the break. She'll probably be at the school by then. It is time to get out of my shell. I started caring about her, so might as well give it a chance.) 

He gets back and he starts heading towards the dorms. He hears an ambulance stop near the school. He thinks somebody might have got sick or something.
He sees a group of people  in a circle standing around somebody on the ground in front of his room. Mickey is there too. He gets into the circle to see who's on the ground. 

It's Bailey. As he sees it, he turns white, he's scared and shocked, his heart is beating faster then ever before. He kneels down next to her.
(Don't you die on me! Come on! She has a pulse.) There's white foamy saliva oozing from her mouth which means she overdosed on drugs or had an allergic reaction.

Mickey: Cain, do you have any idea what's wrong with her? 
Cain: Nobody knows what this is?! Drug overdose, or allergic reaction to drugs. HOW ARE YOU ALL SO CLUELESS?!
Mickey: Hey! Chill down! 
Cain: Who called the ambulance? 
Mickey: Me. 
Cain: Alright, thank you. 
Mickey: *whispers to himself* Why did he thank me? 
Meanwhile the paramedics arrive, Cain helps them put her on the stretcher. 
Cain: Will she be okay? 
Paramedic: We don't know. Probably.
Cain: Probably?! Is that the best you can say? 
The paramedic doesn't answer and they rush back to the ambulance.
People are standing around Cain, Mickey stares at him. Cain is genuinely scared. She can't lose her not now.
Mickey: Hey, you okay pal? 
Cain: NO I'M NOT! This is my FUCKING FAULT!