||TsukkiYama||Sing For Me||Wattys 2020||

|25|

The cold air feels good against my warm skin. I still feel the pressure of Tsukishima's hand on my head. Today was the first time I've really seen him express any sort of emotion. I made him feel something. Why did it have to be anger?

Today is a terrible day. I had that test, I failed it, and I made Tsukishima angry. To make it worse, I had to start crying in front of him.

I want to be his friend. Despite his rude behaviour, there is something about him that makes me care. Especially now that I have seen him show emotions, I want to get closer to him.

Yes, just friends. That is exactly right. The only reason I cried is because he yelled and I felt guilty. The only reason I got red was because of embarrassment and he got in my personal space.

It was comfortable, though. My mom is smaller than me and my dad is about as tall as I am, so I haven't been hugged by someone who is taller than me since a few years ago, when I started growing taller quickly.

But that's just because I wasn't feeling well. Normally, I wouldn't have liked to been hugged suddenly like that. Well, he wouldn't have done it either. He just did what he would do to his little siblings.

What do I care, anyways? Even if we do not become friends, I will go on. I have enough friends, and they don't confuse me, sadden me, nor do they make my heart race and.. no, stop. It's not him, it's me. I am weird and not used to being close and to being treated that way.

I want to get home and take a shower, clear my head, stop thinking. I contradict myself, I confuse myself, but I always come back to him, to the same conclusion. I will run away. I will not let my heart catch up, get to my brain, show me how it really is. I don't want to.

I like to live in this world of denial. It is a great way to escape my problems. Though it's a real pain when it comes up anyways and hits me a hundred times harder than it would've before.

I can feel my heart getting closer every time I am alone with my thoughts. Like it's calling out to me. Desperate to expose the truth, to open my eyes. But I will not give up. As long as I avoid the cause as much as possible, I can stay in front.

I will never admit what I feel for him.