||TsukkiYama||Sing For Me||Wattys 2020||

|38|

It's crazy how many different views of the world I've had in 24 hours.

First, nervosity; the world non existent as I drown in my thoughts and worries.

Then, sadness; everything is quiet and big. The world silently watches as negative feelings devours me.

This morning, happiness, carelessness, hope, freedom; the world just a blur as I energetically pass through, every second too slow as I impatiently wait for the next one.

And now, disgust; the world seems to laugh at me. The beautiful scenes all around me, the innocence of nature everywhere, the perfection of the world; meanwhile, I walk here, a filthy creature, undeserving of such grace, afraid of polluting that what is yet unstained.

The city is as busy as ever. The bustling streets, the crowded shops, the air filled with sounds. Aimlessly, I walk around. I was planning to buy some new clothes, but I don't feel up for anything new right now. I don't want to give up on the old me yet. I want to stay innocent. Damn you, Akaashi, Bokuto.

I look at the people around me. One spot in particular has a lot of girls around it. That can't be anyone, but...

'Tooru! Tooru!' the girls call out. I sigh, then chuckle. Always the center of attention. I work my way to the crowd, planning on greeting my friend. Right before I break through, I freeze. My eyes lock onto a tall, blond boy, standing right next to Oikawa.

Using the crowd as my cover, I watch them. What is Tsukishima doing with Oikawa? Is this what he took the day off for? I stare at him in disbelief. I watch as Oikawa laughs while Tsukishima glares at him. It seems like they have just taken some pictures.

Just then, I see Tsukishima's face go red as Oikawa smirks. It feels as if my heart is sinking as I feel my face go pale. It can't be. Are they...?

Indescribable emotions well up inside of me. Ugly emotions. Ones you should never want to feel. Once again, I disgust myself.

Then, Oikawa picks up his phone, which apparently rang. Multiple emotions show on his face as he talks, hangs up, calls someone, and talks again. Shock. Anger. Sadness. But I don't feel worried for him. I glare at him in jealousy.

He hangs up again, yells something at Tsukishima, then runs away, a confused but also happy look on his face. I can't stop the toxic emotions. They overwhelm me.

The crowd that has gathered for Oikawa starts leaving, too. Soon, I find myself alone with the people that apparently helped with the photo session, including Tsukishima. He hasn't seen me yet, as he is cleaning something up.

Unable to control it, I let my feelings take over my body, and I find myself speedwalking towards him. He is about to walk away, when I reach him and grab his sleeve.

My mind goes blank as he turns around. He looks as stunned as I feel. Why did I do this? Didn't we have a fight yesterday?

'Ah, sorry. I.. I'll go.' I say, looking at the ground as I let go of his sleeve. I turn around, and am about to walk away, when a firm grip on my wrist stops me from doing so. I yelp, and immediately cover my mouth with my free hand. Filthy. Disgusting.

'I didn't know you knew Oikawa that well.' My mouth opens before my mind catches up, letting the jealousy slip through. I still avoid looking at him.

'I could say the same about you, 'Yamachin'.' he answers. Yamachin? That's what Oikawa calls me, no?

I finally stare at him in surprise. Silence falls upon us. I start to panic. I need to escape his grip. I don't want to remember this feeling. I softly pull, trying to get away. But in response, his grip only gets tighter, almost forcing another sound out of me. What has become of me?

'Actually, it's good seeing you here. We need to talk.' he says. Without waiting for a reply, he drags me along to a bench, where he finally lets go.

'I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I did not mean to hurt you in any way.' Tsukishima bows slightly. The formal, distant manner is unusual, and instead of making me feel better, it hurts.

Is he in love with Oikawa and therefore putting distance between us? Anger, directed at nothing in particular, yet everything at the same time, takes residence in my heart once again.

But I push it down. 'No, I am the one who should be sorry for invading your private space. I went too far. Thank you for taking care of me.' I reply.

He looks shocked. I have seen him make many expressions, but not the one Oikawa gave him. The reddened face, as awkward as can be. It stings.

I want to be the one to make him make that face. But I can't touch him. Not anymore. It would feel like using him, the innocent boy, to fuel my own desires.

Conflicted between the two, I am shaken out of it when the monotone, almost emotionless man himself takes the initiative to grab my hand. 'Are you sure you're okay? You've been looking kinda out of it.'

How controversial. Are you distancing yourself from me or are you trying to become closer? I chuckle. 'I am alright. Thank you.' I say as I face him.

What a mistake that has been. Never before have I seen worry displayed on his face so clearly. His beautiful features expressing the feelings inside of him. Instinctively, I put up my hand, but catch myself before I actually put it on his cheek. For a second, it hangs in the air, indecisively.

I am about to bring it back down as Tsukishima grabs it, brings it to his face himself, and closes his eyes, a feeling complexer than worry barely showing, but definitely there.

My face is as if it's set on fire as I feel nothing but the sensation of his face against my hand. 'Are you okay?' I say softly, unsure of what else to say.

He lets go and nods. My hand immediately feels cold and lonely, and I regret having said anything.

Tsukishima gets up. 'I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow.' he says, and without waiting for a reply, he leaves me, puzzled, conflicted.

I have seen yet another side of his today. A side so sweet, I would be able to live with it forever, treasuring it. But he is still so cold, so distant, as if he doesn't want to know me at all. My eyes tear up, a smile on my face, as I get up to go home myself.

~Hohoho. hoho. ho.~

Edit: You can read my Iwaoi story chapter 22 for Oikawa's POV ;) And also, I JUST GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL!!! SUCK MY ASS!!!