Reality of Love

Chapter 10

LOGAN
After giving her the promised ten dollars she uses it to get another hot chocolate, and we decide to leave. She's bouncing slightly on the way to the car, her hand is swaying at her sides and my hand almost reaches for hers but I stop myself before it can grab hers. What the fuck has she done to me? "It's only twelve forty, what are we doing next?" She turns to me, walking backward now.
"Don't walk backward you could fall." Concern laces through my tone, but she makes no move to turn back around.
"You're no fun, Logan." She pouts, still not turning back to walk forward.
"I can be fun, you can ask almost everyone, you just need to stray away from falling because you're already a clumsy person." The moment of me catching her replays in my mind.
She cringes, "I'll take your word for it. You're right about me being clumsy though." She finally turns back around, so she's walking forward and a small, almost unnoticeable sigh of relief escapes me.
"I have to admit I'm surprised you haven't found some way to leave before the day is up already," She slows down a little to walk next to me, "I thought you'd have found some way for Jenna to save you or something." She's looking up at me with an almost unnoticeable hint of guilt on her face. "What's with the face?"
Her eyes get a little wider, and she looks down, "What face?"
"The guilty face." She quickly looks back up to me, "Okay, do you want the truth?" She doesn't wait for me to answer instead she continues, "I was going to get my friend, Macie to give me an s.o.s. call. Jenna gave me the idea, so I thought it'd be worth a shot. That's who called me earlier, I told her it was fine and that I didn't really need saving." She rushes her words like she's been holding this guilt the entire time she was with me. She expects me to be upset but instead, I'm laughing, "What, why are you laughing? Aren't you supposed to be mad that I was going to ditch you?" Her eyebrows are drawn together in confusion.
"I already fucking knew it, I knew you'd try to get out of it somehow I was just waiting to see when." She's frowning now.
"You weren't supposed to know! That defeats the whole purpose of my plan even if I decided not to do it! Am I that predictable, damn it." She huffs annoyed at her failed plan.
"You are really predictable sometimes." I add the 'sometimes' mainly for her sake because she looks as if she could cry right now.
"Damn it, how am I supposed to be an actress now!" She huffs some more.
"You want to be an actress?"
"Well, no, but I did when I was little." She giggles at her younger self's dream. "I can't necessarily see myself acting now but it'd be cool to see my name on a bunch of things." She looks back up at me with a bright smile plastered on her face.
"It'd be a damn gift for everyone to see you on a bunch of things." I give her a smirk and her cheeks are now painted a soft pink. I almost reach my hand out to touch her cheeks but manage to stop myself. I'm finding that I'm having to stop myself from a lot of things recently, all having to do with Sara. We reach the car, and she hops in before I can open the door for her.
"Where to now?" She beams once I get in, "Or is it another surprise?" She adds, narrowing her eyes at me.
"Not a surprise this time, we're going to your so-called favorite place." I start driving off but when I glance to look at her she's still looking at me, her head tilted slightly.
"But I work there, I go there all the time."
"I know, you love it there. I can tell you'd live there if you could." I don't mention any connection I have to the place. It's not out of fear of expressing my feelings, it's about trying to forget even a fraction of what haunts my nightmares daily. I don't want to forget my mother, I don't think I ever will. But if I were asked if I wanted to forget the coldness of her skin, forget the way I continued to shake her only to find that she wouldn't wake up this time, I couldn't lie.
As soon as I'm finished writing I rush into my mother's room a proud smile stretched across my face. The smile fades as soon as I see her lying on the bed, her arm slightly hanging off the side of the bed and pills laid across her table. My mother would always pride me on being extremely observant but right now in this moment I don't want to be. I want to be reading the quote I wrote for my mother tucked in her arms, not staring at her pale body from the end of the bed. Tears slipped down my cheek in masses.
"Mom! Mom, wake up!" I screamed at her. She hadn't moved, not even a flinch or a squirm. Nothing. That hadn't stopped me from trying, "Mom, wake up please! I wrote you something, please wake up! Please..." When nothing changed I hurried to the kitchen and immediately started dialing the number I never thought I'd have to call at this age, 911. I instantly called my dad after, my tears not seeming to find an end.
The worst night of my life stuck on replay haunting me every chance it gets.
"But then again I wouldn't be with my mom, leaving her with my dad would make me a horrible daughter. You're right though if I could live there with her I probably would." I hadn't heard the beginning of her reply, hell I almost forgot she was talking at all.
"You wouldn't be a horrible daughter for wanting to get away from your father." I know for certain that she could never be a horrible daughter.
"Well I wouldn't be the greatest that's for sure." She sighs imagining the scene I'm sure.
"We should go in." She sniffles a little before moving to open the door. I grab her arm to stop her before swiping an escaped tear off of her rose stained cheeks. "Thanks." She wiggles her arm out of my grip and clicks the door open. Feeling a little distant from her I swiftly make my way over to the passenger side and lock her hand in mine giving it a reassuring squeeze. I'm letting my walls down too easy for this girl but I can't put them back up after this. She is so carefree, so in the moment, maybe I need that.
We walk through the door hand in hand the bell above the door announcing our arrival. I'm certain that just by taking one look at us you'd think we were a married couple. At that thought alone I untangle my hand from hers before Lenora stumbles out from the back.
"Sara? And Logan I see," she looks between both of us taking note of the tension before looking back to Sara, "I know this place is magical but don't you think you're here quite often hon'?"
"Logan actually brought me here. I told him the same but he insisted."
"Oh. Well how lovely, you're starting to love the place more I see." She turns to me a smile stretched across her face.
"You could say that, I guess." I need to play nice. She knew my mother, maybe even more than me.

Author's Note
I know I haven't posted in like years but I've been a little tied up recently. Hope you enjoy this chapter, it's short I know but I hope to be writing more often. I really hope you all are doing okay during the current situation. Please stay safe. The best thing you could do right now is stay inside as much as possible. So many people are getting sick and it's only going to grow if we take it as serious as it should be. Please only go out if you need to, don't be selfish and risk your or anyone else's health right now.
Love you all, hanna :)