With my emotion and mind all over the place I can't even think about going back to sleep. It's still pretty early I probably need shut eye just for the sake of my worn out appearance but my anger keeps me on my feet. I pass time with a steaming shower trying to wash away last nights sins and this mornings punishments. After spending the night with Jack all I wanted to do was curl back up beside him and shut out my dad and his one sided decision making.
All of this was making my head hurt or maybe it was God punishing me for drinking last night, whichever it was - I didn't deserve any of this.
How was I supposed to tell Jack when he wakes up about my dads decision? Actually, how do I? Both the men in my life were stressing me and at this point I wasn't sure if it had anything to do with me.
I text Jordan that i'll call in a few once I exit the shower in hopes she's awake. I was ready to spill. Not one little bit at a time but everything - every detail, question she had - no stone was going to be unturned. I also need to give her an explanation to the Marilyn situation, I've been neglecting my best friend and it made me feel worse than I already did.
Luckily she calls interrupting the music playing on my laptop. I tighten a towel around my head answering the call. She's still in bed, her phone sideways, and her morning swollen eyes barely opened.
"Did I wake you?" I ask.
She yawns, "No, it's cleaning day so my mom is blaring Carrie Underwood," I laugh a bit as she rolls over to her back, "It's before nine, why are you up already?"
I sigh, throwing my head back, "My mind won't shut off. Just as I think nothing can get worse, it does."
"Is this dad problems or boyfriend problems?" She questions.
"Both," I groan, "I don't even know where to begin."
"How about with Marilyn," She chimes in, "What the hell was up yesterday? She doesn't know?"
I shake my head, "Well she asked, and I kinda lied and told her everything from summer break didn't happen. That's not even half of it, my minds feels like it's going to explode Jordan."
She sits up in her bed pulling the phone away from her face, "I have nowhere to be all day, tell me everything."
According to the FaceTime call Jordan and I talked for one hour and fifty seven minutes. In that time I told her everything, down to the bone. Even the details she hadn't asked for and I could see her blush a few times as I told her about my very intimate nights with Jack.
"...And now my dad has decided that Jack and I should only see each other on the weekends."
Jordan and I release an exaggerated sigh at the same time as I finish my very length rant. I'm sure everything I just spilled to her was going to take her a minute to process and in the due time I brushed my hair out and got ready for the day, It was almost ten now and I haven't left this seat since Jordan called. She'd ask questions mid story for a better understand but had yet to form an opinion.
"Okay," She finally comments, she hasn't moved from her comfortable position.
"Oh and almost forgot," I lower my voice, "One day after school I came home to my dad home early and drinking wine with some new intern at his job."
Her forehead rises in surprise, "What!?...Wait, what type of wine?"
I shrug, "It was freshly popped, probably something from that vineyard across town."
Jordan sits up leaning against the headboard holding the phone out in front of her, "Alone?"
I nod my head slowly, "I haven't mentioned it, but i'm not really sure if I should anyways. I can't imagine how that conversation is going to be."
"Well if you're not going to say anything then at least use it to your advantage," She suggests.
"You want me to blackmail my dad?" I question giving her a blank look.
As if that was possible, as if I could ever. I don't think my dads alleged affair is something I'd want to hang over his head regardless of the situation. Thinking off my dad having an affair made me uneasy anyways, every time i glanced at him i felt off putting.
"I'm not saying blackmail," she quickly says, "I just really don't think he has a place to control your relationship if he knew what you know."
Point taken.
I sigh blatantly, my mouth is tired from talking and my head is filled with so many different feelings it felt overworked.
"So, what's with you and Johnson?" I divert, "Are you guys talking or something?"
She catches on my diversion with no problem, letting out an annoyed groan, "Apparently he's already crushing extremely hard on someone else, or at least that's the vibe i'm getting."
"But you don't know for certain?"
"And I don't want to, I can't handle another year of rejection," She chuckles a bit at her own self loathing comments, "You want to get ice cream later? I can't be stuck inside all day listening to country music."
We both share a small laugh before I can answer her questions my phone sings beside me loudly. A message from Gilinsky.
I really need to change that contact name.
"Falafel?" Jordan questions, I didn't know how long I was staring at the notification till she speaks.
I sigh, "I'm down for ice cream later."
"Okay, i'll text you when i'm headed over," She shuffles out of her bed, "Love you! Bye!"
I mouth a quick love you back before the facetime ending beeps fill my room. Almost two hours of conversation with Jordan felt refreshing, she's really the only person I can have these talks with. I wondered if I could have something like this with Jack, raw information about everything wrong at the moment.
I drop my makeup routine and retort to our messages. It was a picture of the sticky note I wrote on this morning along with, how are you feeling?
I smile a bit before typing.
better than I deserve -Ryder
Benadryl for the migraine, lightweight -Gilinsky
Now would've been a great time to tell him.
Sorry to rush out, my dad kinda lost his shit -Ryder
Did i get u into any trouble? -Gilinsky
If only you knew.
I type out the relationship draining message and hesitate over the send button. What my dad didn't know couldn't hurt him - what I knew could.
