Tear You Apart

Hands Down

Are you going to keep ignoring me?

Staring at the words on my phone, I bit my cheek and resisted throwing my phone in the nearest trashcan. Returning the cellphone to my pocket, I tried to focus on Tallulah and Leah bickering over something inconsequential as we sat in the food court at the mall, taking a rest from shopping.

My mother was texting and calling me on a weekly basis, attempting to reconcile and I, in true teenaged angst, was ignoring her. That was a whole other problem I needed to deal with that I was putting off.

Tallulah needed something to wear for her date with whoever she was currently into. It had only been two weeks since the Halloween party, and she was over her crush on Leo and onto her next beau.

I on the other hand, was not. Sighing, I let my chin rest on my hand as I watched my friends bicker. I felt as if I was awakening from a lifetime of slumber when I thought about Judd Birch. Absentmindedly my free hand traced my jeans where just on the other side of the fabric, the bruises he'd left on my thighs were fading away.

My mind was numb and unfeeling when he wasn't around and while it was unrealistic to think a boy could cure a mental illness, he definitely did something good for it. It sounded cliché to say he made me happy and yet, being around him no matter how I felt about him, did make me happy amidst other things.

Was I in love with him? Surely not. But I'd be a liar if I didn't agree it was something more than an innocent crush.

I thought back to my bedroom where his jacket was intermingled with my blankets. I'd slept with it every night since he'd accidentally forgotten it at my house, inhaling his scent and falling asleep thinking about his strong arms around me like they were in the bathtub. I would take that secret to the grave though.

A warm fuzzy feeling radiated in my chest and pulled my phone out again and bit my lip. For the last two weeks I'd been debating with myself about texting him. I literally never saw him at school, never even spotting his Jeep in the parking lot. And I couldn't exactly ask Leah about him without rousing suspicion.

I should just text him...

No. I remembered how he left in a rush after we had sex.

Shame forced me to slip my phone back to it's resting place. He hadn't reached out to me either. Clearly, he'd changed his mind about how he felt. I couldn't be mad at him; I was not something to adore nor was I worth his time. I couldn't give him whatever it was he was looking for.

But I wanted to. A sense of determination urged me toward my pocket again.

Grasping the plastic and yanking it from my jacket for the third time, I nearly dropped it in surprise when it buzzed unexpectedly.

Do I get my hoodie back?

My hands were clammy and sweating as I read the text. It felt almost unbelievable he had messaged me and for a split second I wondered if he was thinking about me too. I didn't even know how to reply. My chest was pounding as epinephrine pulsed through my body.

"Devi?" Tallulah's voice broke my concentration and I quickly looked up at her with wide eyes like a child who had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "Are you alright?"

"Oh, u-uh yeah fine sorry." I hastily answered, shielding my phone from prying eyes.

"Ooh you're blushing again. Is that the mystery man by chance?" Leah smirked playfully, poking at my shoulder with a stray straw wrapper.

"Mind your business Leah," I smiled, sheepishly rubbing a hand along my neck.

"Thank fuck, now you can quit sulking. It's been like a week and a half!" Leah fired back, going back to her food.