Kryptonite

Losses and Discoveries

Love.

He knew what the textbook definition was and it wasn't like he hadn't felt it ever before - but never, had he felt it in this way.

He loved his family, so much that he dedicated his life to seeking revenge. He also loved his friends, Ivan and Lauren, who had become his newfound family due to their training as part of JustX.

But the way he felt about Nadine was different and something he hadn't ever experienced before. Hell, he didn't have the right words to even explain it and truth be told, he still wasn't sure he understood every aspect of it.

He wasn't sure of even when he could pinpoint it began nor was he sure how deep it even was--part of him wondered if thinking it's love was jumping too soon to conclusions.

But if it isn't this, what else can it be?  he thought to himself. I have no other way to explain how I feel about her anymore.

I...I  love her.

James felt chills run down his spine at the thought. "No...I can't, I shouldn't," he said aloud to himself as he dug his hands into his hair.

I'm going to leave soon. I'm an assassin. I'm part of a criminal organization. I have plans to kill her father. I'm supposed to be the leader one day in the future. That isn't the person she should be with. She deserves someone who can stay, someone who isn't as complicated.

Someone better than me.

"I can't...I can't put her through that," James said to himself.

He thought making sense of what he was feeling was the most complicated, but he soon realized it was thinking of what to do with them that was the most difficult.

Though he loved her, and though he found himself wishing he could be with her to see the next year and every year after that, he didn't want for it get any deeper, especially from her side.

He had been used to shouldering so much pain. And for her sake, he wouldn't mind shouldering more.

Which was why, whatever he felt, and whatever thoughts suddenly burst into his head, had to end where it currently stood.

--

Nadine began to tap her foot impatiently against the pavement. Bringing her phone by her eyes, she quickly glanced at the time before looking up once more.

"Usually he comes earlier, nasaan kaya siya?" she asked herself, crossing her arms as she continued her wait.

According to google, with the current road conditions, she would arrive to work with 10 minutes to spare if he came in the next 5 minutes. And while that was early, it was late for him.

He would come earlier than expected and usually they'd get something to eat prior to heading out. And while it initially irritated her having to be up earlier than needed, she got accustomed to it.

However, she noticed that the past three days, he had been coming later. And not just that, but he hadn't been staying as long as he usually had after bringing her back home.

"Even the conversations, hindi siya ganyan katahimik dati," Nadine mumbled to herself as she soon realized they've actually barely held much of a conversation the past couple days.

Even through texts, while he did still respond, she noticed he hadn't been initiating conversations as often as before and took took longer to reply than usual.