At 28, I was depressed. I couldn't tell you why because I didn't know why. I know it bothered you because you would just stare at me with this look of confusion. Your brown eyes were dark, your eyebrows furrowed together, your jaw clenched, and you'd look at me for a little while before looking away. I think what confused you the most, was that sometimes I was okay. Sometimes I was joyful and I laughed at everything. Sometimes I'd smile at you and kiss you like I meant it. Sometimes I'd play the piano and sing along.
But sometimes I'd just sit in bed and the thought of getting out crippled me. The thought of having to talk to people and pretending to be okay would make me want to burst into tears. And sometimes I just didn't feel anything. I would stare at the pattern of our bed cover, the blue and black triangles zigzagged together. You'd ask me a question and I would just shrug. Or I would get on my laptop and just scroll through Facebook, not really caring about anybody that appeared on my timeline.
It was hard. For me and for you. You'd make me breakfast (granted, it was all burned), you'd get me random presents, you'd watch my favorite movie on Netflix with me. And I loved you for it, but it didn't make it go away.
I wish I could have explained it to you, I really do.
_________
I put One Song Glory from Rent by Aaron on the side bar because heeeeelllloo he is perfection and yes.
i love you guys i love talking to you in the comment y'all are great.
twitter: katiepuanani
instagram: myheartsmistake
let me know if i forget to update it daily.
~katie~
