At 30, I told you I hated you. I said I never wanted to see you again and that you were the biggest regret of my life. The words tasted like vinegar on my tongue, but I couldn't help it. Lately it had seemed like I didn't even know myself anymore. You had given up on me, I think. You were tired of making me want to love you. You wanted me to love you all on my own. Maybe it was because I had spent the past ten years loving you. Sometime in the past few years, I had reached a point where it had become so habitual to love you that I decided to stop loving you easily. But now you were tired of being the one who wanted everything.
You wanted the house, I had agreed only because you said how it would make everything better.
You wanted the dog, because you thought it'd show us how to be compassionate.
You wanted a baby. You told me it was because you wanted to be a dad and to prove that you could be a better dad than yours was. I didn't say yes because I was afraid of being a mother like mine.
So I said I hated you.
I said it because you brought up a baby again.
I said it because you gave me that annoyed look.
I said it because I could feel you giving up on me.
So I said it and I left.
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ugh i worked a ten hour shift last night, got home around 9:30pm, went to bed around midnight and had to open this morning so I got to work around 4am and then worked another ten hour shift so sorry it's kinda a late update
updates daily, let me know if i forget.
~katie~
