Bank Robber's Bitch

F I F T E E N

Winter is creeping in. Boy, winter is creeping in like a cold bitch. I thought rage and my burning pride would keep my body warm but I was so wrong. Toni had decided to give me the silent treatment which confuses me because I'm the one who's supposed to be giving him the silent treatment.

After what feels like a cold eternity later I get enough courage or lose enough of my pride to the cold and say fuck it.

"Toni..." I whisper into the dark. I know you're awake you lil... 

"Toni it's cold." I try again.

"It's a cold front, Madison. It wouldn't be a cold front if it were warm." He says lowly in a condescending tone.

Remember to remember.

I chant these three words in my head repeatedly. My grandmother who spoke very little and had too big glasses anyone could see themselves on said. "Remember to be conscious when you're angry. Remember to remember."

I still don't understand it but it sounds wise and it reminds me of her calm demeanour. Always graceful in how she carried herself but never tried hiding her dislike for my mother. 

"You got the best parts of you from your father, " I can almost feel her gentle yet callous touch as she ran her hand down my face. "my darling, darling half-breed."

I sigh loudly in defeat. Fuck. Toni.

"Toni I am cold." I say with added emphasis, my teeth chattering from the cold. His duvet cover was barely doing anything with the heater broken. 

A long stretch of silence passes before he turns around and faces me. Now seeing the annoyance on his face, I much rather would be faced with his freckled back. Without a word he scoots closer to me and locks me in his heavy arm.

"This is not what I had in mind. Go get a blanket... I'm serious." 

No response. No loosening his arm. No way of not smelling him this up close.

His arm pulls some at my ponytail and I'm forced to look up... or at least that's what I tell myself. Why are you keeping me here? What's going to happen to...

I feel the panic rise as I think about my future. I can't help but wonder what if I were pregnant? What would that mean for me? And the baby? What would its normal life look like? What kind of mother would I be? My hand sneakily makes it way onto my stomach and my fingers rub little circles in the small space separating me from skin on skin contact with half naked Toni.

I push the thought into the back of my head and place my free cold hand on his warm back. How is he this cold but this warm? 

Toni draws in a deep breath and relaxes his arm... that now has my attention and his scent is stronger than ever and intensifies with every second my face spends this close to his body. 

I tear my eyes away from his arm but the necklace that has slid onto one side and rests on his thick bicep brings my attention back to him. And now I'm thinking about where his necklace has been; the times he's run it up and down my body and how it left a cool trail and how much I- 

Is it possible to be angry at someone but still want them?

He peaks one of his eyes open and says gruffly "Stop staring at me and go to sleep, Madison."

"I am not staring at you. I am cold, Toni. Go get a blanket." I grit out, literally lying between my teeth. I don't put too much thought into my next move, too distracted by how he'd caught me staring at him. Staring. While he slept.

So I do the next best thing... distract him by pinching him using my free tummy rubbing hand.

He looks at me with his signature "constantly pissed" look before breaking into a mischievous smile.