Simply Sam-Book Two in Montana Moments series.

Chapter 35-Paradise is not Paradise

She did not turn back on her phone for fear of hearing what she did to the woman she loved. She felt like a monster. A woman beater. A piece of shit.
She felt the panic rise but did not do a damn thing about it. She had left the pills at the house. She was going to do this her way. On her terms. Even if that meant the end of them. She could not be part of them.  If she could not trust herself not to hurt them. When she made it home she called her mom from a payphone, still afraid to turn on the last piece of electronics that kept her tethered to those who loved most. Her dad picked her up and drove her home not asking any questions. Knowing the look on Sam's face was one of panic and hurt and anger. He knew to give her space. He gave her a hug and left.

Sam plugged in her phone and laptop then messaged Harmony on it. Letting her know where she was but not why. Telling her that she was OK but needed to do her own thing so if she did not hear from her for a bit she was alive. If there was an emergency to get in touch with her mom and asking her to pass it on to Will and Eden. Along with I love you's. She knew she could not do it herself. She had to cut ties with them right now in order to get this night shit under control. She could not risk another accident. 

After she was done she flipped it off and went to her back porch with a bottle of water. She fell asleep in the hammock only waking up when her mom brought her dinner. She did not ask what happened and for that Sam was great full. How could she look her mom in her face and tell her she broke Edens nose and who knows what else. They hugged and she left.  Eating a few bites of the casserole Sam took a shower then grabbed the fold away cot out of her closet and made it up in the kitchen the only place in the house that did they had not slept in. Well the spare room either but it had the beds in it from there living room bed. She could not stand to be around this place. She swore she could hear them. As funny as that was she had the blanket she bought with Will covering her. She knew she had to bring it. One of the few things she grabbed.

The next morning she felt like she had not slept at all. She made herself eat a small pudding from the fridge then resigned her self to shopping. She needed food and a few other things. After getting what she needed she went over to her mom's and asked her dad to go fishing with her. She needed to be out of the house. She needed to not hear their voices and see their ghosts everywhere.

They fished till late in the evening. After she dropped her Dad off at his house she drove around for a few hours. Stopping here and there to relax. By the time she got home she was beat. She took a shower and went to sleep. The next few days went the same way. Eat, fish drive, shower, sleep. That was until her mom came over and demanded to know what the hell was going on.

Sam laid all out for her. Told her it all. How she killed a woman and her baby, how she made love to Will. How she had issues and finally how she punched Eden. By the time she got to that part her head was hanging low. She was ashamed of it. Her mom sat on the cot next to her and just held her as she cried.
Cried about the baby that would never grow up, about how she loved Will and Eden, about how she wanted him and Eden but couldn't until it was safe. About how she hated herself for hurting them, for hurting Eden. For being a coward and not having her phone or computer on because she could face what she had done. About how she felt haunted.

Her mom let her cry. Let her let it out. All of it. Then held her till she fell asleep too exhausted to take off her shoes so Sally did it for her. Tucked the bright red quilt around her and left after kissing her forehead.

When she got to her car she messaged Will. She told him it all and when he asked if he should come she told him no. That Sam needed to work threw this on her own. He asked her how long that was going to take? Sally told him no clue but was honest with him. Telling him that it could take months but not to give up. She promised to send updates.
. He told her that Eden was not OK with out Sam. It was an all or nothing kind of thing but not to tell Sam because he did not want it to make her feel guilty. She was doing the right thing. As much as it was killing him to say that he knew it in his heart.