EMBRACED|| BilliexQue

·15·

****btw, in this book Que/Brandon/ is 19 and Billie is 18.

Honestly, I don't know me and Que are. Of course we are a little bit more than friends but I dont wanna be in a 'friends with benefits' situation. All of my friends aggreed that it was best for one of them to stay with me at all the times in case I have one of my PTSD episodes from that night when...that happened.

I still cant believe how much of a worthless piece of shit I am for letting that happen to me. I'm a dirty fucking slut whore that let one of the worst possible things happen. I didnt stop it while it was going on, and I definitely didnt stop it from happening in the first place.

Brandon was still with me from yesterday and Zoe and Drew came over but they all went to go get some food to bring back.

Now that they're gone, I leaned over to my nightstand and pulled open the small compartment. I grabbed the blade and held it against my wrist.

Tears were forming in my eyes as I was about to push it down. I knew it would hurt, but I would get used to it. Once you start it isnt easy to stop. I desreve to be in pain anyways. I let the worst imaginable thing happen to me and did nothing about it. I'm a horrible person. A horrible friend. A horrible sister. A horrible daughter. And i cant imagine what kind of girlfriend I'd be.

I dont even understand how Im jist now coming into realization of how much of a fucked up person I am. I must be one of the worst burdens of everyones life but yet they stick around. They deserve the world after dealing with me.

I started to push the blade down harder onto my wrist until I saw it sink in. I dragged it on my skin as blood dripped onto my leg from my wrist. I dragged the blade down to the middle of my forearm.
I winced in pain but not enough. I did it a second time on another spot on my wrist and then a third on my thigh until I couldnt take it. There were tears falling down my face and onto my bed. I shouldve done this in the bathroom. Anyone could have walked in at anytime.

I took the blade with me to the bathroom and washed my skin and the blade from blood and walked back to my bedroom to put the blade back into the compartment.

I went to my closet to put on a longsleeve shirt and some pants to cover up the cuts.

I laid back on my bed and started to cry even more, thinking about how horrible of a person I am. I'm just a fucking waste of space

***

"BILLIEEEE"

I jumped awake as I heard Drew scream. They had some Mcdonalds and Taco Bell bags in there hands. I wiped away the wet tears that were still on my face somehow and sat up. My eyes were burning and my lips felt swollen, but I'd put on a smile for my bestfriends anytime.

"Billie,"

"Hm?"

"Have you been crying" Zoe Questioned.

I didnt answer. I didnt feel like going into everything right now. I grabbed the bag of Taco Bell food from Drew and pulled out a burrito.

"Answer" Que said. "You good mami?"

I nodded my head so they'd stop asking questions. All three of them sat on my bed. "Billie, you and I both know that isnt true, whats wrong?" I stilled refused to answer. Que came infront of me and grabbed my wrists which pushed the cloth of my shirt into the cuts. He looked me in the eyes. "You can tell us anyth-"

"Ouch" i couldnt take it. The cloth was burning my open cut. "What happened?" He asked.

"N-nothing" i pulled my wrist away. Drew tried to grab them again but i pulled away from her too. "Billie stop actimg like a fucking child and let one of us see what the hell happened." Zoe demanded.

"No"

"Are you a toddler? I said let us check it out. Or just tell us. Why were you crying? You were crying hard too your lips are swollen. You're a dumb ass bitch if you think lying to me will work. Ive known you before we were both able to walk. If seen you at your lowest points Billie. I know you. I dont mean to sound harsh but please let us know whats wrong" Zoe begged.

I just looked at the ceiling holding my arms close to me.

Suddenly i felt a pull on my arm from Drew. "For fucks sake Billie what the hell are you hiding on your arms?"

She rolled up my sleeve and all three of their jaws dropped. I pulled my arms away immediately.

All of them immediately pulled me in for a hug. I started to sob even more. Once they pulled away. Que vrabbed my wrists once again, but not to tight, "How fresh" he asked. His voice was a bit shaky since he had started to cry. "Just like.. 30 minutes."

"Billie please tell me you will never hirt yourself again." Zoe said. Tears in her eyes aswell.

I didnt answer. I dont know how I could stop.

"Please Billie. Answer her please. Im so gald this is as far as you've gone and that we still have you here with us." Drew added.

"No, I deserve the pain. Do you not remember what I let hapoen at that party. I'm a slut whore and i didnt even stop it or prevent it from hapoening in the first place. Why do you guys stick around. Its taken me until now to realize what a horrible person i am anyways. Why do y'all still hang around with me. I dont even like myself so how the fuck do you guys deal with it. I'm a fucking worthless piece of shit and I deserve any bad thing that comes my way." I told them all.

Brandon scooted a bit closer. More tears running down his face.

"Dont EVER speak like that about yourself. You are an angel sent straight from heaven and you brighten my day everytime I look at you. You are the funniest person I've ever met and I promise you id never lie to you about any of this stuff. It isnt your fault about what happened. He was a big man and you are a small girl. You cant stop him and you wouldnt be able to unless you were some crazy body builder but you arent and its ok. Just know that hes a dickhead that derserves nothing but torture in his future for doing that to you or anyone else that hes ever touched. He doesnt deserve to find love. He doesnt deserve a family. He deserves to be sent to hell with every other piece of shit. You are one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen in my entire life Billie. And you shoudnt think otherwise."

Its crazy to know that's what he thinks of me.

"Yes Billie, you only make our lives better in every way that you can and it breaks my heart to know that you think anything different." Drew added.

Zoe nodded as she pulled me in for a hug. "Please don't do this to yourself anymore" We were all sniffling and crying like little bitches. Even Brandon. After Zoe hugged me, Brandon pulled me in for a long hug. He rocked us both side to side as we hugged. "Remember, you're one of the best people ive ever met and you broaden my life everyday im in your presence." He whispered while we were still hugging. We pulled away and as we did I heard Drew whisper. "I ship it"

"Me too" zoe agreed.

"I ship it aswell" Que added on.

My cheeks turned a bright red as all 4 of us hugged again.