Lost in The City // H.S.

Chapter 31

"Harry," I say quietly and he pulls back removing his lips from my neck and searching my face.

"What's wrong?" he asks clearly nervous by the sound of my stressed voice.

I lean back slightly away from him so I can see his face clearly. His lips slightly swollen and eyes darker than normal. I squeeze my legs that are wrapped around his waist. We have both lost our shirts and his chest scattered with tattoos is my new favorite thing to stare at. I am left in only my bra and sweatpants, but I don't feel embarrassed or uncomfortable because it's Harry. He has never once made me feel anything less than beautiful.

I want to continue more than I ever have, the feeling of his skin on mine and the look in his lustful eyes is like heaven to me.

But I haven't let myself go all the way with someone before. All through high school it was a choice I made because my sister got her heart broken and taken advantage of and it really messed her up for a while. I didn't want that to happen to me. Steph always warned me to make sure I was ready and that the first guy I ever slept with was special and that he made me feel safe.

"Everything is fine. It's just, I need to tell you something." I say quietly and climb off his lap sitting next to him on the bed embarrassed by the fact that I am about to tell him I am twenty three and never slept with anyone before. It is not that I am worried he will judge me, it's just he has a lot of experience in that department and I don't. I start at my hands nervously picking at my nails.

"What is it?" he asks gently and pushes the hair out of my face his eyes searching mine.

I look up at him, taking a deep breath to steady myself before I tell him.

"I have never-" I stutter trying to figure out the words I want to use as his brows furrow in confusion. "I've never slept with anyone before" I mumble and his eyes widen with shock.

"I mean I have done other stuff with guys, but Steph had a traumatic first time and so she warned me to choose wisely so to speak. So throughout high school I was a little scared of the idea and no one ever felt right. And then I got to college and still there was no one I ever felt that strongly about. Then after a while it felt embarrassing to admit that I waited so long and I didn't want to just hook up with some random guy. And I know it is ridiculous and embarrassing and I wasn't even going to tell you but..." The words flow quickly out of my mouth and I trail off as he continues to look at me with shock. And now I feel as though I want to crawl under my blankets and hide from him in embrassment.

I shift away from him, now uncomfortable with the horrible silence but he grabs my hands quickly before I can go any further.

"No, don't be embarrassed. You never have to be embarrassed with me. I'm glad you told me," he says softly, reading my body language and lacing his fingers with mine. I look up to receive a small smile from him. "We don't have to do anything you are not comfortable with," he says quietly.

I realize he thinks I told him this because I don't want to do anything tonight but that is not it. That is not it at all.

"No," I say quickly, embarrassingly quick. I hold his face in my hands making him look at me as I ignore the heat rising to my cheeks. "That's not it. I want to make you feel good," I whisper shyly. "Maybe just not going all the way tonight," I specify. "Trust me, I want to. I just don't want to rush anything with us. And I don't exactly have the same experience in this area as you do..." My words trail off as I let him go and look away.

"Hey, those other girls, they didn't mean anything to me like you do. And whenever you're ready it will be our first time. That's special to me. I have to be honest I am surprised because look at you," he says as his dark eyes look me over and I feel my cheeks flush again. "But I like that you have never been with anyone else. That I will be the only one. That does all kinds of things to me Anna, you have no idea." he says looking over my half clothed body again and the look in his eyes makes my stomach clench.