Lost in The City // H.S.

Chapter 20

Piper's words continue to circle in my head about how maybe Harry and I have no idea what we are doing anymore. And maybe neither of us knows how to acknowledge it. I don't know if I am willing to face it because if I do, I fear that I risk losing him. I never expected him to mean this much to me. Sometimes I think he feels the same way but I can't be sure. I am worried we both are too afraid to face any of the underlying feelings. And I have come to realize he means way more to me than I have admitted to myself. The thought of no longer speaking with him because of feelings that I am not even sure are true for him, scares me.

I decided to take the week and let myself recover from the most traumatic Thanksgiving I have ever had. I have talked to my father everyday this week. I have also barely slept all week between worrying about my father, and overthinking everything with Harry. Plus Harry's absence from my bed doesn't help because I realize that I am slowly becoming dependent on it.

Piper and I are about to walk into O'Connells pub and my anxiety is starting to spike at the fact that I am about to see Harry. It's the guys last show until after New Year's. I can't even believe it is already the first week of December, I am aching to go home and visit my father over Christmas break and to see my family.

"I'm making the right decision right? I'm not being an idiot." I nervously ask Piper stopping before we enter the pub.

"I think you are making the right decision. It is okay to not be ready," she says reassuring me. "But no chickening out, go find him right away, okay?" She basically demands. I nod in response as my nerves taking over. Piper's persistence at wanting to fix things between Harry and I is a little surprising, but weirdly enough she has never been against my friendship with Harry. Even though she acts like she hates him all the time.

I take a deep breath readying myself as we walk into the pub to find the usual packed crowd filling the space. My eyes immediately start to scan the crowd hoping Harry is nearby and not hiding out somewhere or making out with some girl. But I'd like to think that he is not exactly the same person I met months ago, in the same way that I am different since he has become a part of my life.

My eyes catch sight of his broad shoulders and messy brown hair on the far side of the room near the stage. His back is facing me as he talks to Liam and some of the other guys in the band. Seeing him automatically puts me at ease.

I watch him for a minute, his hands covered in rings flying about as usual as he speaks. I can't see his face so I am not sure what kind of mood he is in tonight. But his shoulders look slightly tense which worries me.

Finally I gain enough nerve and start to shove my way towards him. Normally I wouldn't bother him before a show or when he is talking with his friends, but I need to speak with him. And if I don't do it now I am afraid I will chicken out and leave.

When I am close enough for him to hear me I say his name tapping him lightly on his shoulder and his head snaps around to look at me. He is obviously surprised, his eyebrows raised and my hands feel clammy just looking into his eyes. I am not sure if he is more surprised by my presence in general or the fact that I am talking to him since he hasn't heard a word from me all week. He hasn't reached out either but I didn't expect him to after the way he left. I think we both needed the space even if he doesn't agree. We had been spending so much time together, that this week gave me a chance to think a little clearer. I just hope he still isn't mad at me.

"Do you have a minute?" I ask quietly as his eyes study me.

I am terrified that he is going to go back to ignoring me and not even give me a chance to explain.