Lost in The City // H.S.

Chapter 1

A/N: Hello loves!! I am so excited to finally share this! I have been working on it for a while and I am really excited about this story. I hope you guys enjoy it!
Ahhhh! Chapter one here we go!
-Cal

I'm supposed to have an answer, right? As my mother continues to stare at me worriedly when I still haven't answered her question on what I plan on doing if I don't get the scholarship. I mean four years of college was supposed to prepare me for the 'real world'. I should have some kind of plan, but as I sit in front of my mother, panic starts to settle into the pit of my stomach. Why can't she ever help me feel confident. I mean is it not possible for her to believe in me, ever? 

"You realize you always doubt me right? I mean is there ever once where you can just say 'You can do this Anna?' " I snap glaring at my mother from across the kitchen table. I know I shouldn't talk to her in this way. I was raised to be respectful, but I've had it. 

She is clearly taken aback by my sudden outburst, its clear on her shocked face. "I do believe in you." she scoffs like she can't believe I would ever say such a thing. "I just don't want you to get your hopes up and then have nothing to fall back on. I mean you should consider having more than one option for your future." she continues trying to reason with me but I can barely look at her right now because I am so angry with her. 

I shake my head at her trying not to show her just how upset she has made me with her words. I take a deep breath choosing to bite my tongue and stand from the table. 

"I'm getting the mail," I mumble needing some space and maybe some fresh air.  

The little door on the mailbox squeaks as I pull it open. I take a deep breath in trying to steady my breathing before grabbing the stack of envelopes laying inside. It's fine, no matter what happens it will be fine. Despite my mothers words and my growing anxiety everything will be fine. I continue to repeat the words in my head a little mantra to myself. It might not even be here yet. No need to get worked up again for no reason. I begin to shuffle through the envelopes in my hands my eyes searching for the little emblem that I have memorized in my mind from the amount of times I've seen it on the course catalogs that I have been browsing for weeks.

I need this. I need something to hold on to. I need a change and some kind of I don't know, hope? Everything around me has started to blur together. Days becoming weeks and weeks becoming months. I feel like I have been stuck in a sink pit lately. I hear that nobody knows what the hell they are doing in their twenties, but it's like I am slowly continuing to sink further and further under, but the world continues to spin around me. And I'm just standing here in my parents driveway waiting for a stupid letter.

It's like all I can do is watch. I have no idea what the hell I am doing anymore. The familiar warm breeze of New York in early August blows my long hair into my face and plants me back in reality and my eyes catch a glimpse of the bold lettering sending my heart into overdrive as it thumps so hard I can hear it in my ears.

It's here. This is the moment that decides if my life will change drastically or if it's time to find a new dream. My thoughts have been so much better than reality lately and I am dying for that to change. 

Moments later I am rushing through the front door of my parents house my hands trembling slightly from the adrenaline rushing through me. "I GOT IT!!" I scream far louder than most would deem necessary as I run into the house, but to me it is necessary.

My parents who are in the kitchen cooking dinner look like I have just given them both minor heart-attacks as I stumble in. My mother is standing by the stove her hand over her heart like she is checking to make sure it's still beating. I want to roll my eyes at how dramatic she always is, but I don't feel like dealing with an argument with her right now so I refrain.