Hide and seek (editing)

41.

A U S T I N ' S P O V :

I've had just enough of what I drunk. I am not even feeling tipsy. I just really want to relax my brain and my heart a little.

But then I saw her text. And I felt the uncontrollable feeling I have for her. My heart commanded my finger to touch the call button and tell her where I am. Hinting her to come for me.

What am I doing? How can she go here in this hour. I know she doesn't know how to drive and her grandma will probably won't allow her to go out in the mids of the night. But I still hope that she'll find a way to come here safely.

She did come. Making me so happy. I maybe am getting drunk so was she, coz she requested for the same brandy I am dinking. The next thing I remember is I told her to kiss me and she did. We're kissing and it felt so damn good.

Then we're in my car doing glorious things to her. And she just letting me do the magic. I must say that I was experienced and a bit pro in that field. I have my fair share. I am a man with needs. And the rumours about me banging those girls are true. But she's not like any other girl. So it felt so fucking good that I am the first guy to make her feel this way. Telling to myself, that I'll do everything to be her last.

I lead her to my room and claimed her. I really was her first looking how she's in pain because of my girth. I want to shout for joy. But it will be awkward because I can't even paint her hurting face.

But when I felt that she's getting comfortable and she already adjusted to me, I began making her feel how wonderful we are together and that she's mine now. And I swear to myself that she'll be mine for good.

She's knock off as soon as we're finished. But am still wide awake so I tack her under my blanket and whispered that I love her. I took my camera and began taking picture of her exhausted but very lovely face.

She's my Goddess. My first and only love.

I felt disappointed knowing she's gone the next morning, almost noon, I walk up. But the red dot that she leaved in my bedsheet and the scratches in my back made me smile.

I'll definitely ask her on a date the next day and she will be my girl after that.

But she refused to be mine even before I could ask her out. She looks unbothered about loosing her virginity to me. I'm so furious at first. But then I came to understand where she is coming from. She's to innocent to act the way she should be after having sex the first time. And I don't know what came to me and used pregnancy. There's a possibility anyways.

I've had her. And even though we're keeping it a secret, she's mine. And I like it. Acting like a normal couple whenever no one is around. We even had our first selfie. Hanging in my wall.

But there's struggles always come after happiness. There's no really a bed of roses. I should have readied myself for the torn. Because it's about to torn us apart.

I've been thinking on how would I ask her to Prom, for so many times! But I know she wouldn't go with me. Because her friends are important to her. So I planned everything, from her dress and to how can we be partners for the dance. Except for winning the king and queen, I cannot haver on that.

Everything's perfect! Until I was blinded again by my jealousy.

And yes! I regretted kissing her at the dance. And I honestly have no intention of kissing her infront of everybody because I know she wouldn't like it. But when I look in her beautiful eyes, I was mesmerize by how wonderful that moment is and I was just carried away by the music and the situation.

But why does she have to make me feel that what we had is just an accident? And why does what we have should be kept?

I did what I have to do. I let her go. I'm not a masochist. I was born pampered and loved. Why would I let someone make me feel unloved, ungrateful to have me and humiliated to be seen with me?

I have to let her go. Because I know she's just not for me. Because if she's really is for me, why we didn't have a chance to be together before, why now that I only have few months to stay. Maybe what I have for her wasn't love. Maybe my camera loves her. Maybe I am just obsessed with her appearance. Maybe I just admired her innocent and her simplicity. Maybe.... maybe!

I avoided her for weeks after I Ronald hugging her. As if she does not exist. I don't need her anyway. And I only have few months. I have to move on and I'll get through this.

I should not care anymore. I already let her go. I am done being this way. I should be.

I went home. And go straight to the room where her image is everywhere. I want to tear everything into pieces, but I can't cause this is all that is left with me.

The next few days. I was waiting for Gab when I see David's car arrived. Then Gwen came out smiling. She looks happy, not as broken hearted as me. How'd she do that?

And she's not glancing at me anymore.

Then Ronald came to her when she's walking to enter the building. He told something to her that I can't hear and she just nodded with a smile.

I felt a twitch in my chest. But what can I do? I already let her go, so I shouldn't care about who ever she talks too.

"Hey" Gab said. Then she punched my shoulder to get my attention. "Stop staring. It might hurt your eyes."

"I'm not staring."

"Why did you let her go if you're going to act like this?"

"It's for the best."

"Let me give a piece of advice bro." I then looked at him. I know that this will be another nonsense thing, but I still listen. "I didn't know what love is but I know that the attraction you felt for her is something different. So I don't know what fuck is on your mind for letting her go. You should have waited when is she ready to announce and to embrace this relationship that you have. You've waited for eight long years, then just like that and you're letting her go. You're one fucking idiot man!" He rant.

Damn! I didn't know that he can talk something that has sense.

Then yesterday happened. We made love again. The way I always imagined it to be. And I told to myself. I can't let go! I can't! I just can't. I have to do something about it. I just can't move on and go on with my life. That's fucking coward.

As I encourage myself to give it another try. I began painting the face of the girl that always run on my mind.
Just as I pictured her the night of the prom.

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xoxo 💋