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80: No Way
A/N: Yes, last chapter then epilogue.
Pi
He looks like he’s hurting. I knew so well how I hurt him but like I said, I want to make the most of the remaining percentage I have.
And I have contingency plan.
I got the gun I kept on my side. Mabilis na kinasa ko iyon, pointing it on his crotch. He froze, smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. He’s probably thinking this is more me than I was a moment ago.
“It’s just yes or goodbye balls Rocket,” banta ko sa kanya. “Why not give me a chance? I’m flat but hot. No one makes me wet more than you do. You’ve seen me in my worst self, remember how we shit together dahil sa mais?” I saw him smiled on that, probably remembering that time.
I thought I’d die of shame nang makita ako ni Cooler sa ganoong sitwasyon but then Rocket saved the day. We both have an embarrassing moment but I realized I didn’t hate him that time. I thought I was busy catching Cooler’s attention when in fact I was busy starting to fall for him.
“Rocket, you were the only one who easily blend with me despite my psychotic character and murderous self. You’re literally one call away just when I sulked upon the thought that Cooler’s busy. I didn’t know I was actually falling for you pero dine-deny ko iyon sa sarili ko.
“You showed me how to become someone’s favorite. You never run away from responsibility. Remember when I got pregnant? You showed your responsible self and I admire you for that. You are most attentive to my needs. You were so unique, you do not settle for flowers and sweet dates. You go for a freaking waterproof mascara and getting a tattoo. I was so stupid for letting you slipped off like that,” mapaklang natawa ako. Yes, that’s the man I’ll be losing if I keep my shit up.
“But then, something terrible happened. Siguro masyadong galit sa akin ang pagkakataon kaya kinuha niya ang anak ko. I hate myself the moment I woke up and realize I am alive but my baby,” my voice cracked but I still tried my best not to drown in weeps. “I should have died instead, why take an innocent being? I took away his opportunity to live and dream big, to become amazing man someday. I took your opportunity to become a father. Kapag naaalala ko ang saya mo kapag dinadama mo ang pagsipa ni Baby Rocket sa loob ng tiyan ko, it felt like salt added to my open wound. I took away the chance I had for myself to become someone better- and that’s to become a mother. And I have to live with that pain every fucking day, two years had passed and it doesn’t feel any better. It kills me to know I only have to carry baby Rocket in my heart, not in my arms... that he will only live in my memory, not physically beside me.”
“That’s when I started becoming insecure. That when I lost baby rocket, I will also lose you so I took the leap and avoided a heartbreak. I thought it wasn’t painful, but damn, the pain is excruciating. I began comparing myself to those women you loved before,” mapait na napangiti ako. “Ibang-iba ako sa mga babaeng minahal mo noon. I am not selfless and righteous so I’ll be selfish and keep you to myself come hell or high water. I am not brave, coming back to you is also a coward move dahil kung matapang ako, papanindigan ko ang katangahan ko at tatanggapin ang katotohanang nilayuan kita noon. I am every bad thing and that’s how you knew and liked me, right? So you have to think wisely not to say no to me or you’ll be picking up pieces of your balls on the floor,” banta ko. Truth be told it took me a lot of courage to say it. I was being shameless for running way and coming back as if nothing happened.
