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66: I know him so well #DWTDWP
Pi
My heart sank as I heard the door shut. Gusto ko siyang pigilan, gusto ko siyang yakapin at sabihing ayaw ko siyang umalis. I hate myself for saying things I didn't mean.
It's not true that I missed my old life. It's not true that I regretted everything. It wasn't true when I said he's tiring.
He's my strength, he means everything to me but then there were times when we say things out of anger.
But I'm not angry with him.
Mas galit ako sa sarili ko dahil sa ginagawa ko. Tinitikis ko siya at sa bawat segundong ginagawa ko iyon, dobleng hiwa iyon sa puso ko.
I began weeping as I called his name.
"Rocket!" I panicked ngunit kinain lamang ng iyak ko ang pagtawag ko sa kanya.
What if he will really leave? I don't want him to leave! I didn't mean it when I say he should leave. Gusto ko siyang yakapin at iiyak sa kanya lahat ng pait ng alaala kong iyon but look what I did.
"Rocket!"
Umiiyak na tumakbo ako palabas at hinabol siya. From the stairs I could hear the sound of his car leaving kaya mas lalo akong nagpanic. Hinabol ko siya hanggang sa makalabas ako ng bahay ngunit hindi ko na siya naabutan.
I sat on the garage and cried my heart out. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. I think I'm losing my mind, how could I send away the only person I can trust? The only person who could soothe me when nothing feels right?
I had a slight breakdown on the garage at paulit-ulit na nagplay sa utak ko ang kanyang boses. Pain was evident in it and the guilt trip started. Dahil sa ginawa at sinabi ko, hindi lamang siya ang nasasaktan kundi maging ang sarili ko. Niyakap ko ang mga tuhod at patuloy na umiyak. I started reflecting on myself.
I'm better than this.
I mean, I'm stronger than I thought I am right? Kinaya ko dati, I lived with the promise of killing who tortured and killed my mom. I promised I won't show mercy and I will not hold back.
Pero bakit kailangan kong isali sa galit ko ang asawa ko? Wala siyang kinalaman dito. It's his dad, not him.
And I made my mind how to get even. Rionessi Morisson will pay.
Hindi man lamang ba niya naalala ang ginawa niya? How could he face us, the Bellomo gayong may kahayupan siyang ginawa dati?
I'm strong, paulit-ulit ko iyong sinabi sa sarili ko. I picked myself up from ruins and stood. Bumalik ako sa loob ng bahay, grabbing my phone, keys and wallet.
