Whisked Away

39. Truth

Caspian's POV
We all stared in wonder after Shifra as she disappeared below deck. Smiling, I shook my head in disbelief. How did the General Shifra fall for me? Edmund was approaching me after Lord Rhoop was shown to a hammock where he could finally get some sleep. "I always forget," said Edmund, "How long the stretches of time between our time here are for you all."

I looked up at him curiously, where was this coming from? "It's odd to think about for us as well. I mean one year...one year was over a thousand for us."

"Caspian," Ed asked, a lump seeming to form in his throat. "What happened at the Stone Table. I know Aslan was killed, but what else. Everyone avoids talking about it in front of me and I need to know why. Shifra just told me to ask Lucy, but I'm afraid even she won't tell me. Please, Caspian, what are you all trying to hide from me?"

I took in a deep breath. "Edmund," I started, "Shifra didn't want you to know, but when Aslan made that deal with the witch, it wasn't his life for yours. It was, but it was another life as well. Aslan's life as well as Shifra's."

"No," Edmund breathed, "She wasn't...she didn't...why wouldn't she have told me?"

"She didn't want you to feel guilty, but it hardly affects her now, she's moved on from it," I told him. Without another word Edmund stormed off, going below deck. I let out a sigh and ran my hands through my hair.
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Edmund's POV
Why wouldn't she tell me? She had god knows how many years and it NEVER came up? Anger pulsed through my veins as I went to find her. I passed Lucy, bumping into her as I went, but I was so angry I did not pause even long enough to apologize. "Edmund!" Lucy exclaimed, not in annoyance, but in confusion. I walked on to where Shifra lay, probably asleep or close.

The door opened with a crash and Shifra jolted awake, sitting upright with a dagger pointed in my direction. "Oh it's just you Ed, what's with all the noise?" Shifra said, lowering the dagger and staring me hard in the eye.

"Stop!" I thundered, shaking with anger, "Why didn't you tell me?" Confusion lined her face as I spoke, but realization covered it as I continued, "It's been what? Thirty years or so that you could have used to tell me, but no you didn't!"

"Edmund," she retorted in an almost scornful voice.

"Don't," I warned, my eyes wide and full of rage. "All those days spent in the library, teaching me about the history of Narnia, all those nights talking late under the stars and you couldn't take two seconds to let me know that more than one person died that night!"

Shifra had completely sat up and had crossed her arms looking at me expectantly. "You done?" she asked.

"No!" I thundered, not noticing Lucy, Caspian, Eustace, and Drinian entering to see what all the yelling was about. "You were my best friend, I would have died for you in a moment's notice, in fact I almost did on countless occasions, but you didn't trust me enough to tell me something like this?"

"That goes too far," she shouted, interrupting my little rant, "I didn't tell you because I know you Ed, I knew you would react like this. Your blind rage has nearly gotten you killed more than once and I did not want you to say or do something you would regret. That is why I told you to ask Lucy after you had returned to England, but no, you got it out of her before that, didn't you!"

"Actually it was Caspian, your oh so precious fiancé," I retorted. What was I saying? I loved Caspian and the two of them together.

"Edmund!" Lucy shouted in surprise, I was shocked myself. The room seemed to have frozen apart from Shifra. She rose to her feet and held on her face an expression of such controlled frustration and anger that I began to feel slightly meek. Drinian quietly slipped out the door, clearly not wanting to be in the line of the rage about to be unleashed.

"What would you have liked for me to say hum?" she asked, clearly not expecting an answer, "Hey Edmund, I know you feel really crappy for what Aslan and the rest of us had to go through because of what you did, but I just wanted to let you know that I was tortured with Aslan. Would you have liked for me to say, oh hey, on the night Aslan sacrificed himself I had all my feathers violently plucked out and my hair cut, oh and I was also beaten, stabbed, and mutilated? Is that was you wanted to hear?" Her voice had risen to a shout with the last sentence.

"N-no, I-I," I stammered, but she did not let me say anymore.

"I wasn't ready to tell you, I wasn't ready to talk about it!" Shifra shouted, "I wasn't ready until after I met Caspian! I had a freaking panic attack and was in a coma for weeks after I saw the Stone Table again when Caspian first started leading armies!" I could not think of what to say, I had not thought she might not have been ready to speak of it. "Not everything is about you, Ed! No everything is because of you! I went through something traumatic, something I can't honestly say I'm over. I can't tell you that I don't still have nightmares about it!"

There was a long pause, then she continued, "I was living in a state of fear. Complete and utter fear, but no one could tell because over two thousand years teaches you to hide your emotions pretty well. That night changed me, but tell me, what are you actually mad at? Are you mad because I lied? Are you mad because I hid this from you? Or are you mad at yourself? Are you really mad at me or do you still hate yourself for what happened? IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT! You have to get over this, Ed!"

"I am," I lied.

"Yeah, like hell you are," she retorted, "Just like Lucy's over being jealous of Susan." We all looked it her, but said nothing, no judgment crossed any of our faces as we turned back to look at Shifra. "Just like I'm completely over what happened that night. Just like Eustace doesn't still feel bad about his behavior towards the beginning of this trip, not that I blame you, you've made up for it."

None of us dared to say anything as she walked to stand inches away from me. "You can be mad at me, you can hate me, but make sure I'm the one you're actually mad at before you yell at me and act as though I wouldn't die for you in a moment's notice, oh wait, I already did." With that Shifra left the room and went on deck.

"Shifra!" Caspian called out, running after her.

"Oh god, what have I done?" I asked, rubbing my eyes with my hand. Lucy patted my shoulder and walked out with Eustace who started to follow her, but stopped.

I looked up at him as he said, "For what it's worth, you've more than redeemed yourself from what I've heard, so..." With that he left as well.