Beautifully Broken

Feeling This

Frank

All right, so maybe my whole fixing things plan got derailed. What am I supposed to do when she's standing there with her stupid eyes looking like saucers, eyelashes fluttering so innocently, her bottom lip trembling with rage? It's just too much of a fucking rush, my heart threatening to break through my ribs, each breath hitching in my throat. I mean, damn Gerard does it for me, but nothing like that. Ashley's like some twisted witch that's got me tangled all up in her web. Every time I think I'm out, I find a new little shimmering strand.

I forget all of this almost instantly as Gerard drags me around the side of the bus. He slams me up against the hard surface, my shirt dragged up, metal digging into my back. Hungry lips trail over my collarbone, tongue dragging up over my neck and jaw. I drink him in, coffee and cigarettes and spearmint gum. Our lips work fiercely against each other, Gerard's fingers tangling in my hair, a hand snaking up under my shirt, and around my neck, pulling me to him. Gerard lets out a guttural moan as I manage to pop the button on his jeans, wiggling my fingers down the front of his pants. As skin brushes skin, he jerks away, knocking into the front of the bus parked behind us. Gerard pants, brushing the hair out of his face as he stares me down, a lopsided grin tugging up the corners of his swollen lips.

Well. Shit. Clearing my throat, I straighten out my shirt, blinking against the little spots of light that dance before my eyes. This is new. Whatever possessed Gerard to do this; I hope it hangs around for a while. Usually, I'm the aggressor, making all the first moves and initiating even the tiniest touches. To have the roles reversed – my head is still spinning. "Wow."

Gerard chuckles, coming to stand next to me, pulling me close to his chest. He presses his lips to my nose, my cheeks, my neck. Once again he laughs as I whimper, trying to get his lips to reconnect with mine. "I missed you."

"I'm going to have to be a few minutes late to all our smoke breaks if that's how you're gonna greet me."

The singer hums into my neck, his fingers sliding between mine, "Starting tonight we'll be in hotels for a little."

"Oh, really?" I raise an eyebrow, trying to play it off as if I've not been looking forward to this since tour started.

Sure, the bus is fine. I'm small enough to be able to completely stretch out in the bunk. Living in a van with the guys for almost a year means nothing is sacred anymore. We've been through all the awkward moments we ever will. The bus even has a shower. But the hotels mean alone time. Quiet. Time for Gerard and I to be together without worrying about someone walking in or having to look Mikey in the eyes the next morning. The kids cool with everything but I mean I am screwing his brother. That's not something you ever completely get used to.

Salty sweat coats my tongue. Gerard tugs at my dripping hair, pulling me close as he tilts into me. There's a glint in his eyes, nose rubbing at my cheek. His lips hover over mine, tongue flicking out. And then just like that he winks, ruffling my hair before gently pushing me away. Spinning, I rub my forehead down over his neck, letting it linger against his shoulder for a second before returning to my microphone. The crowd eats it up, cheering widely before jumping into the chorus. My heart soars, beating in time to Bob's drumming. Here I am alive.

The second the room door closes behind us we're on each other, ripping off sweaty clothes, desperate to feel skin against skin. Gerard's body bounces against the sheets, chest heaving as he pants. I stand over him, admiring the way the moonlight shines on his slick skin. Damp hair clings to his forehead, shielding his eyes from view. I let my fingertips dust over his hip, trailing up over his stomach. Gerard lets out a soft moan, puffy lips parting. I hover over the top of him, watching the lust cloud his eyes. A hand comes up to cup the back of my head, pushing me down on top of him. We devour each other.