It's not that I don't trust him, because I do. But, sometimes, emotions can get so overwhelming that they will control us. Not because we want them to, but because they're too powerful to fight against. Some people can, but some haven't developed the strength. And that is nothing bad. From the moment he made that small mistake on stage, I knew he would beat himself up for it. Jungkook wants to be perfect, but he doesn't understand there is truly no such thing as something perfect. We hide many things behind our closed doors. We hide our pain, tiredness, sadness, anxiety, depression, etc. Some of us ignore it, but the others are more judging on themselves. For example, my boyfriend, Jungkook.
He has gifted the nickname 'Golden Maknae' from the fans since he exceeds in everything he tries. It's not always a good thing since a lot of fans often forget that he is a human too. He's a man in his early twenties that can make mistakes. But because of that title, he makes himself suffer if he makes the tiniest mistake. I make sure to always remind him that he's a human, he isn't a machine. I tell him everyone is going to love him regardless, that his stage persona is not the only thing that matters. The real Jungkook matters as well, it's not that we fake around the camera, of course not, but we do hide a lot of things from it. Either because we don't want anybody to worry, and some because we don't want to be in the risk of getting in trouble.
---
"Hyung, I don't think I can do this anymore. I feel like a major disappointment. I try my best to keep your words in my head, but at times they just fade, and disgusting thoughts govern my conscience against my will. Something is eating me up, like a feeling of giving up is taking over me. I don't want to be a failure to ARMY." The whispers turned into erratic breathing and irregular sobs.
"Never, ever say that again. You are not a failure, you are one of the most talented people I have ever met. Let's fight together, make sure whatever is trying to get to you dies before it can even try. I love you so much, baby. There's nothing I would ever change on you, the minuscule mistakes you make, those are what makes you human. That's one of the reasons I love you." I said back as soon as he finished speaking, I certainly didn't want to interrupt him since it's rare when he shares his emotions.
---
Now, he was locked in our shared room. Leaving me outside, but I didn't care for that. I wanted to see if he was okay, I wanted to make sure he didn't do anything he was going to regret. He's such an amazing person, it wasn't hard to fall in love with him. So many things to completely adore, easy to give my heart to him without a doubt. Confessing while we were cuddling on his bed after a long day of practice. Gentle words coming out as whispers, 'I love you's' being exchanged that same night. Knowing we had been holding in our feelings for way too long, there was no time to waste.
"Baby, what's wrong? Please let me in." I said, loud enough so he knew I was there, along with my complete support.
"Babe, yeah, I'm fine. Give me just a second." A sigh was heard after he finished talking, he was crying. He was trying to hide that fact, not wanting me to worry. But his voice cracked at the last few words, he was caught.
"Just let me in, please," I muttered quietly.
The door was quickly flown open, Jungkook coming out the room in a dash, his own feelings quickly forgotten. I was crying. Something I rarely did because I didn't want to worry my members either. My boyfriend knows I never cry, which is he opened the door as soon as he heard the sniffles coming from me.
"No, wait, I'm so sorry, my bear," Jungkook said, his voice as calming as always.
"Baby, I'm fine. It's just...I'm worried for you, for us. You never let me in, never let me help you when it's the thing I want the most. I know it's because you don't want me to worry but I just want to be there for you. Show you that you are the most precious thing in my life. Like everyone else, you make mistakes, but there is no reason to talk down on yourself for it. I love you." I said, all in one breath. Some of the words combining with the others, but he was used to my language. Our language.
"I love you so much you have no idea. I was so scared when I heard you cry. Let's help each other, okay? We can't lose another one.." He whispered at me.
They did exactly that, stopped shutting the other out. Asking for help whenever they needed and always reminded each other of their love. Jeongguk brought home promise rings, that Taehyung later turned into engagement rings that he then proceeded to change to wedding rings. Of course, their friends and family were there for them through their amazing journey. One of their unforgettable moments is when Jungkook had enough of waiting so he grabbed Taehyung in the middle of the concert and kissed him. The next concert was the other couple's turns. Bangtan was something they would always remember.
