(warning, sensitive content?)
Love is dangerous. It can take someone and destroy them in the snap of fingers. But at the same time, love is something many people consider necessary. It's not, of course, but even I fell for it.
An amazing human being, the best I ever had the pleasure of encountering. Fate went with me, for the first time in a long time. He took me as a seed and helped me blossom into a flower. That is the reason I visit his grave every day, he is the reason for my life, and the reason I will end it.
Not only did we fall in love, but we could never show each other that. His death is something I will never forget, his name was tattooed into my chest, right next to my heart. And what hurts the most is that his leave was willing. I lost his precious soul to other people's cruel words and actions. Something I will never stop telling myself, it was all my fault.
He had lost everything since he came out to his family. Disowned and left in the streets to meet his death, before I met him. I saw him walking around aimlessly, stopping at restaurants and looking inside. He was sickly pale, and his ribs were showing through his ripped shirt. Yet, he was breathtakingly beautiful. His pure soul could be seen from far away, and people still ignored him. I took him in and lived together for six months. In that time, I saw how sad he truly was, and I never wanted to leave him, but my company awaited. If I wanted him to have everything necessary, I would have to keep working. Every time, he waited back home. Except for that day.
Me being an important CEO, and a model before, there were a lot of people that followed me. I was some sort of specimen that they call celebrities. A lot of people knew me, and a lot of rumours started when they saw me with Taehyung in many different places. We were never anything, I let my fear control me, and that is one of my biggest regrets. I should have done something, showed him my love, but now it's too late. That night, I came home early and found the cause of my depression, Taehyung was inside the tub, lifeless. There was nothing I could do to save him, the doctors told me I was too late. I was thirty minutes too late. His heart had stopped beating.
I still remember what I felt that moment, the terror and anxiety, the heartbreak. I held him in my arms, crying and seeing the tears land in his face. The note I found in my bed was the most horrible thing I had ever seen, it broke me forever, alone with no cure. Left me with endless tears as I listened to the pieces of my heart land on the floor.
"Jungkook, hey. If you read this, just know that it's too late, and it wasn't your fault. This was entirely my decision, and there is something I want to confess. My love for you is what brought me to end it all. Well, before the illness killed me itself. You were everything to me, and I wanted to be with you forever, but nothing ever goes my way. I'm glad that I could spend those last months of my life with you. There is nothing else I would have asked for. Never forget that I love you, and that's why I want you to move on. I wasn't stupid, I noticed the looks and the touches, the reality was that out lover was mutual but not meant to be. Love is cruel. And now, I want you to find someone that can stay with you forever. Whenever I look down, or up, I want to see the smile on your face. Not the tears, but those beautiful bunny teeth I was used to seeing every morning. I'm gone, and there is nothing you could have done. Just listen to me, and keep living. That's all I can ask for, it's selfish, but it is my last wish. I will always be there with you, there is no way I will leave you alone unless you want me to. I love you with all I have, with all of me. Thank you."
Those were the words scribbled shakily on the paper, some dried tears staining it. The last thoughts of the love of my life, the owner of my heart. He taught me that life without love is meaningless, life without him is meaningless. I know he said to keep leaving, but he was right when he said it was selfish, and I don't want to listen. My wish is to be with him, and that's exactly what I will do.
"Tae, see you there." Were the last words spoken before the water was filled with a crimson colour.
