I'm being haunted with the memories of my past. I've always been used to him being by my side at all times, mostly when I'm sleeping since it makes me feel protected from those thoughts that want to hurt me. But tonight, he isn't here.
Taehyung, being my boyfriend for a little more than three years, knew about my constant nightmares. He knew since the first time we slept in the same room, we were only friends back then, and I started crying while I was sleeping, apparently shouting some words. He woke up quickly and didn't know what to do since my mother wasn't home, so he hugged me. As soon as I felt the arms around me, I felt a feeling of safety devour me. That was the first time I had slept peacefully since the terrors had started. It's been hard for us, being in college and needing to pay for our basic needs. So, he asked me if it was okay he worked a night shift during the weeks. Knowing that we needed to be better, I agreed.
Oh, that was a terrible idea. Every time I close my eyes I can see my father coming at me with the broken beer bottle, ready to strike at me. I can hear the cries of a young me, asking for my mother. I heard the screaming, the pain, the smell of alcohol and weed clouding my system. It feels too real. Taehyung was there to save me, keeping me away and giving me the most beautiful dreams. The satisfaction of knowing there is someone there to fight whatever is troubling you together. This time, the anxiety was there. Yes, it happened a long time ago, but a traumatic experience will remain for even longer than that, not because you want it to but because that's how the brain works.
He asked me several times if it was okay, he was worried that I would have a panic attack and he wouldn't be here. I said yes every time, I thought I just had to get over it. No, those things never go away just like that. And they will just get stronger if you force them like that. Taehyung always helped me, we went to therapy together and later found out they just wanted to give me sleeping pills, just because they wanted to get rid of me. Amazing, how people care only about the money they have.
---
"Baby, are you sure? I can just try to get another shift. I don't want you to think you're alone through this." Tae said as he hugged me from behind.
"I should be fine, I think. We won't know unless we try, huh? Plus, we need the job, babe." I uttered quietly, unsure.
"Fine, but if there is something you need, call me right away. Okay? No matter what. I love you." He whispered next to my ear, as he watched with amusement as they turned red right away.
"I love you too, my love. You know that right?" He nodded, expecting me to not keep going. "Which is why I won't call you if there is anything, I know you want to go to this job. It goes with your major and it's interesting. I won't ruin that for you as well." I said, excitedly so he wouldn't get mad at me.
---
Considering how I feel now, I should have agreed to call him when I needed something. When I tried sleeping, I felt the smell of alcohol filled the room quickly, it's like there is a curse on me. They always come back to me, maybe I just can't get rid of them. My dad is the one that appears the most as if be blames me he has a life sentence in prison. My mother has been resting in peace, because of him.
I feel as if the air in the room is trying to escape, leaving me without a source to keep alive. As if the darkness is spreading, coming at me, holding my biggest fears. The room is getting smaller, it's enclosing around me and I feel the need to cry out. I feel as if my heart was trying to burst out of my chest, it was beating too rapidly for the rest of my body to keep up. My brain was telling me to scream, cry, leave the room, stay still, call Taehyung, don't call him. The next thing I felt was horrible, hands all around me. Somebody is trying to take me away. They were pulling me somewhere, then I heard them start crying, but I was too caught up on my attack that I didn't understand what was happening. I just felt my breath quicken, bringing back the memories of him. He's gone, he's gone. Jail has to keep him in place, away from me. I need Taehyung. Right now.
Everything turned worse as I heard the door open, quick footsteps coming into the room. I felt as familiar arms wrapped around me, calming me down and letting me break down in peace. My hazy eyes scanned over the room, seeing Yoongi and Namjoon on the floor, tears dropping from their eyes quickly. I got it, they were the ones that grabbed me. I wasn't mad since they don't know how to deal with me when I become like this. Only my boyfriend knows.
"Hey, hey, hey, I'm here, my love. I got you, come here." He opened his arms wide, and I crawled towards them as they enveloped me in their warmness. "Jungkook I told you to call me if something like this happened, thank god I told these Hyungs to check on you. Baby, you should know that I love you more than anything. More than my major, and jobs and everything. Instead of the cold person I used to be, you made me the warm and loving guy I am today. I fucking adore you, darling."
I whispered 'I love you's' quietly through my sobs. I felt my Hyungs watching me, but they had seen me like this many times. He was my safe place, my home, my safe pace, the love of my life, who I'm going to grow old with. He is my absolute everything. I would die for him. And I am the same to him. I kept crying until the memories faded away slowly, leaving me to drift into a peaceful slumber knowing I was in Taehyung's arms.
---
It was always like that, there for each other through thick and thin. Eventually, the pain that was holding Jungkook dissipated into nothing, leaving only a small scar behind. As promised, they loved each other more than anything. That's the way it's supposed to be.
