It's been seven winters and seven summers since our separation. Endless nights were spent with tears running down my face, and onto my pillow, soaking it. You left long ago, with the wish of meeting again. But, life can be cruel at times. It can take you away from that you love in a matter of minutes. It was time it worked to our advantage.
We didn't part willingly, it was something done out of anger and hatred. The only mistake we made, according to society, was love each other. It was our crime and sin, falling in love with each other. Having the one you love the most getting dragged away from you, seeing as they take your heart with you. Depriving yourself of being you, since they have taken a huge part of yourself. Amazing how humans work, another person can make us more susceptible, make us care more than anything else. I let myself drown in an ocean of sadness, swallowing more and more of the water, choking as I felt my body start to lose consciousness.
Seven winters without you were something I never wished to imagine, but I had to go through it alone. It was utter hell, as there was nobody to warm me in the coldest days. Everyone snowflake that touched the ground and met its death, alone, reminded me of what I felt when you had to leave. As the weather dropped, so did my heart every time I remembered you weren't there. The cups of hot chocolate seemed to be lacking taste, not succeeding in warming me. The marshmallows melted into nothingness. Nothing was able to make me happy anymore, it was as if my enthusiasm had been ripped from me. You took my soul when you left. Maybe I should have never given it to you.
I remember the last night we were together, we made love for the first time. It was something so utterly magnificent, but then it ended. So abruptly, so mercilessly. And before I knew it, my eyes were dropping crystal tears, making me vulnerable to the world. There was no comfort, I was ignored, I wasn't there. Sadly, the 1950s were like that with everyone who didn't fit their definition of normality. So suddenly, I stopped existing to everyone around me, my family disowned me as soon as they found the reason I was in jail, I committed an act of homosexuality. A crime which made everyone despise you.
Loving you might have seemed like a mistake to everyone, but it was the best decision I ever made. It was what kept me alive for so long, keeping me afloat in the dark sea that tickled my feet every so often. You were my lifeguard, saved me countless of times from myself. I owe you everything that is me, and us falling in love allowed to me pay my debt. But, fate is someone that has favourites, it can play the worst cards on some people, and make others win the lottery. Fate hated us. We tried to fight against it, and that only made us pay for more. Yet again, we don't regret any of it, since it gave us the chance to love each other before we got torn apart.
I will never stop loving you, of that I am sure. You were the best thing that happened to me, and I would never change the time we had together for anything else. The precious memories could never be exchanged for the whole world. I would rather die than lose the nostalgic thoughts of what we were together, and of our tragic parting. I hope to see you again, maybe in some years, or maybe in our next lives. Maybe in a time when we can love each other the right way, without the judging eyes of society. We never cared about them, but they got powerful enough to destroy us. They were the biggest threat, but we never realized until it was too late. We were so young when we fell in the bliss that is true love, I was 18 and you were 20.
You should now be 27, while I am 25. Sometimes I want to feel something, anything, instead of being so numb. So, I imagine where you could be right now. Are you married toa beautiful woman? Do you have a child that received your charming boxy smile? Have you gotten married? Did you grow your hair like you always wanted? I see all these scenarios playing inside my head, the worst always being the most dominant ones. Then I wonder, do you still miss me? Are you looking for me? Do you still remember everything that we went through together? Do you still think about those times when we cuddled in bed and talked about how we would get married when times got better? The little girl we wanted? Everything is so emotional, and not knowing if I'm the only one that hasn't let go. Maybe you have found the true love of your life, and forgotten what we felt for each other. It's been seven years, nothing has changed either. I wouldn't blame you.
-(10 years later)-(Taehyung POV)-(It's now the 1960s)
Today was one of those busy days at the restaurant, and with not a lot of people to help. Even though it was supposed to be my resting day, the manager called me since she had gotten very sick and needed to rest desperately. I obliged of course since she has been my support since I got out of the mental hospital I was put into 10 years ago, just for falling in love with the most ethereal human the world has ever seen. Jeon Jungkook.
Only my heart knows how much I miss him. It's something that useless words can't express. The only thing I know for sure is that I will never forget him, he was my first and will be my last. There is simply nobody that can compare to him, his angelic smile and sweet giggle. How his hair fell on his face and hid his doe eyes. His gentle body, and marvellous personality. Nobody could ever replace him, his perfection is astonishing. In the beginning, it would surprise me how he was good at everything he ever tried, but I got used to it after a little bit. Amazingly gorgeous. But that is only 1% of how deeply I still love him. And that's when I wonder if he still feels the same way about me.
Back to my miserable, yet real life, the restaurant keeps buzzing with the number of people there are. I've stopped to look at the door when the bell rang, too many orders to be placed in the kitchen, and too many plates to drop off. I had to go quickly place an order to the back of my restaurant, leaving the counter for my other workmate to take care of. Everything was too busy to focus on at once, I felt that I was getting dizzy with the number of people around me and I just want to scream.
"Hey, Taehyung." I heard from behind me a feminine voice that belonged to one of the colleagues I had begun working with since I started in the restaurant, she was always hitting on me. Of course, I politely declined each time, saying that there was another female. I could not risk getting into another mental hospital. She was holding something in her hand that held a lot of memories, a plate of 삼겹살*. I remember the time Jungkook and I were eating it, and he randomly made a song about it to his imaginary fans that he called 'ARMY' and to me. "Can you bring this to table number 4, please."
"Yeah, sure," I said as I took the plate and walked off. Yes, rude, but it wasn't on purpose. Every time memories of the past, back to when I was happy get to me, I just tend to ignore it and shut off. My emotions included, I become some sort of robot. When I got to the table, it was empty, just a bag that seemed familiar, and no person to accompany it. A rule was that we had to wait with the food until the customer arrives since it's courtsey. I placed down the food and sat down on the other side, letting myself breath as I squished my face on the table. Hoping the person wouldn't come back for at least 2 minutes. I just felt someone sliding into the seat in front of me and a familiar scent invading my nostrils, giving me all the energy I had previously lost. Too afraid to look up, afraid to be disappointed.
I did anyways. Lifting my face very slowly, I met the eyes of someone I considered to only see in my memories. Everything rushed back to me, the memories and our parting. I feel the tears rising to my eyes as I look into the galaxies I had missed so much. They hadn't changed, just lost their brightness. Something in his eyes shifted as soon as we made eye-contact. A spark of happiness started overpowering the sadness that had taken over him. They, too, started filling with the crystally substance I said goodbye to around 17 years ago. We have a lifetime together if we want. We can leave, if we want.
"I'm still enamoured with you." We said, in unison. And that's how it all started, again. But this time, we stayed together until the end.
*Pork belly meat. Jungkook wrote a real-life random song about it.
