One of my biggest regrets was letting him into my life as quickly as I did. I gave him my everything, my heart included. That was so naive of me. I was too young, too clueless of the dangers that were out there. So, he took advantage of that.
I was stupid to fall for him that fast. But in my young mind, I genuinely thought he felt the same way for me. Sometimes I wish I could go back and not let him into my heart. His actions reflect in the kind of person I am today, numb, cold, sad. I hate that he had such a huge effect on me, I want to break free, but I haven't been able to. My past self is screaming at me, asking me why I let him do that. Asking me why I let myself be emotionally and socially corrupted like that. The thing is, I don't have an answer.
This has happened to my friends, several times. But they still keep giving people the chance to break them. It's like the last person was never there like they weren't affected by how they parted. I wonder how they do this, I haven't been able to move on. He still keeps me from giving others a chance, his words echo in my head. It's sad how he still can somehow control me. How do I break out from the trance he has me in? I'm aware he has trapped me, but how do I escape? I gave him the chance to get into my heart, and now I'm broken.
He has moved on, loves other people. The only difference is that when he gets hurt, he comes to me, seeking for the comfort he can't get from anyone else. I have found a way to keep myself from losing the battle against my feelings. It's necessary to listen to the head instead of the heart sometimes, he wants to control me, get satisfaction from my pain. Since he's suffering, he wants me to feel the same way. That brings him happiness, to know that I feel as broken as he does.
Everything is changing, I'm starting to feel more content with who I am. And on the other hand, he's struggling more. He doesn't have the key to my heart anymore, I changed the lock. His key is now useless, something that doesn't have a meaning for me anymore. As much as he wants to hurt me, he doesn't have a way anymore. I have people by my side while he's alone. He lost his power, now I'm in charge. Jimin has gotten me to my feet, reminding me every day that I am good enough. Helping me make more friends such as Hoseok that always makes me feel better with just a smile. Jungkook doesn't make me feel anything, not anymore. Instead of focusing on what he does, I can now pay attention to myself. He's suffering, karma got to him.
"Karma is a bitch, and his name is Jimin."
Jimin, being an overprotective best friend, thought it was a good idea to give Jungkook a piece of his mind. But his way was really creative. When my ex was walking towards me during lunch, Jimin turned around and gave him his tiny middle finger. "Fuck off, motherfucker. You don't have anything on him anymore, you can leave." Were his words, who I considered adorable and paid no more attention. I didn't even turn around, just laughed along with Hoseok.
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Now, he destroyed me, but he also brought me back up. He taught me that I should never let someone control me because I am my own person. I do have feelings that matter as much as anyone else's. He made me realize that I don't need anybody to make me happy other than myself. And maybe my best friend. But he isn't necessary, not at all.
