I feel a new opportunity to restore the happiness that was taken from me, the only difference is that this time, I'm just gonna go along with it. Let it guide me to a place with light and love.
About three years ago, I made a mistake. Falling in love. No, it was falling in love with someone I didn't know. Long story short, I ended up with a broken heart, and nothing or nobody to put it back together. In fear, I hid from everyone that wanted to show me what they felt, confessions were rejected, people were hurt, and just because I was afraid. I deprived myself of a type of happiness one can only get from love, wanting nothing to do with the topic that left a scar that will never fade. I was told I was crazy, that not everyone was like that, but there was something in me that told me to stay away from the drama and romantic interests. Maybe it was my heart telling me to heal, before engaging in a relationship that would for sure fall apart with the condition I was in. For a long time, it was like that, people called me a coward and names they thought could hurt me. Except, they didn't, they made me stronger.
Now, that was a while ago, I took the time to ready myself for something more serious. That's something that surprised me, I felt that I wanted a person that would take our relationship seriously, not treat me as a prize, or something to brag to his friends about. A high school is a disgusting place, where most people use one another for their social benefit. I was once again, afraid to come forward into love if there was a high chance I would be used for popularity, and then left with heartbreak again. The perspective was changed once again, who to trust, who to give me to. Unlike 90% of my school, I was a virgin, never had anything other than a peck in the lips, and I was more than proud. But, this was a new battlefield, one that most were by now accustomed to, but I had just arrived, defenceless and weak. Perfect prey for the strong ones.
The fact that I was ready didn't mean I would just date a random person, no, I wanted someone I knew and trusted. Again, this time everything seemed more serious to me. I wanted someone that thought the same, I was aiming for more than just a high school sweetheart. It might seem like I'm asking too much, but my parents meet in high school and are now married. Not going to lie, I had my eye on someone. His name was Jungkook. He had a few classes with me, and he sat behind me in most of them. We used to be friends during middle school, but we slowly drifted apart. We still talked, sometimes, but the air seemed different to me. I think I made him uncomfortable from how many times I looked at his lips, or the times he's caught me staring during lunch. I never meant to, but his beauty is something that deserves a lot of attention. Not only is he stunning, but his manners are impeccable. Kind, extremely funny, respectful, he's also really smart. When we're in middle school, he would sing a lot and dance, he has a lot of talent. That brings back memories of when we dueted and danced to Girl Generation choreographies together.
Once again, we have a class together. Except for this time, he sat next to me. I hated that class, calculus. Annoying, and boring to me. Jungkook like he was having a lot of fun doing his work, but when I looked over I found him staring back at me, a concentrated look clouding his eyes, making them shine with determination. As soon as I tried to look at his paper, it was covered with his hands. I just shook my head and chuckled, wondering what this dude was doing. I didn't miss how he kept staring at me during class, it wasn't like he was being secretive about it, he was straight out just staring at my face, then back on his book. While he was there, I caught a glimpse of what he was doing and my heart fluttered, he was drawing me. I tried to stop myself, but couldn't help and mutter praises on his drawing skills. Oh, his hand froze as he was adding the small mole on the tip of my nose, and his ears were red. How cute.
Jungkook kept sitting next to me, and that now started in every class. I was not complaining, how could I? He was my crush, I admit it, and now we spoke more often. Just small talk, but it was better than nothing. I found out that over the years, he had become shyer and got flustered easily. Unlike when we were younger, and I was a blushing mess around him for no reason. We always laughed it off, wanting to pretend it never happened, but the picture of him with the colour crimson dancing around his face would be stamped on my brain forever. The more days that went by, the more comfortable we got with each other. Now, instead of greeting each other verbally, we would give each other a brief hug. Or, sit closer to each other and hear each other's, fast-beating heart. We became closer than we were in middle school, god we even slept over at each other's houses.
Love, a feeling that is so foreign et familiar to me. A feeling I used to wish never came to me and now I cherish it. The dread that used to haunt me every time a crush came is now gone. It's been replaced with a feeling of utter happiness, makes me think why I let someone so worthless to me change me so much. Yet, I thank him, because if he didn't ruin me, things wouldn't have turned out like how they are now. Me being the big spoon as Jungkook's back is tucked against my front, the little snores coming out of his thin lips as I stare into the darkness of my room. The only thing letting me see his beautiful face, that is now full of peace are the stars. That's one of the reasons I keep my curtains open when he comes over, and the other is so that I can contemplate how dull they are compared to his bright eyes. His eyes make everything lose its colour, and turn into someone duller, he holds galaxies I would love to get lost into.
He's mine, and I'm his.
